Listography – Top 5 wishes for my children

Photobucket
It’s list time and Kate from Kate Takes Five has chosen a list close to any mother’s heart, your top 5 wishes for your children and here are mine

  1. Happiness – I’d like to wish my children a lifetime of happiness. I realise in order to appreciate happiness sometimes you have to experience pain and sorrow, it’s the other side of the coin. My children too like the rest of us will have to learn to find happiness and accept themselves for who they are.
  2. LOVE – after all it’s what makes the world go round right? I hope my children don’t have to go through a painful divorce like I did, to see their dreams of true love crash around them. I’d like them to have the patience to wait for the right person and the ability to see when it’s not the right person for them and walk away. I realise that karma plays a huge hand in our relationships so I pray that they get off a bit lighter than me in the love stakes
  3. Optimism – I am blessed with this trait and it has helped me on so many occasions. when the whole world seems topsyturvy I always try and find a positive to focus on and I think by doing this I make my life a better place so I wish my children optimism to always see a way forward or out of a problem.
  4. To always have each other – It can be a very lonely life all on your own. We are social animals and therefore like to surround ourselves with people and interact with them. Not everyone you meet is who they seem, not everyone you meet will be a long term friend. I have found people change, people move on and others hang around. I am grateful that although I don’t see my brothers very often I know they’re there should I ever need them and that is irreplaceable. Sometimes Thomas and Megan have massive disagreements and I get them both on the phone (separately) telling me their view on the matter but I am grateful that I know the bond is there and once the argument has passed they’ll be back on track. I wish this bond for the twins too.
  5. Good Luck – We all need a good handful of luck thrown into our pot so I wish all of my children luck in everything they put their hand to. I feel as if I’ve been an overall lucky person in life so far. I don’t have a six zero bank balance but I do have people in my life that enrich my life every day. I have a roof over my head, I have four beautiful children and a man who loves me. I’ve also just started working again part time which allows me to have a little independence too.

Life is sweet and I wish my children al the very best for their lives too

 

Peace and Love

magnolia tree

I have loved the beauty of the Magnolia tree for years, I had a Magnolia tree in our last house and miss it dearly, this tree shouts out Spring to me and on a sunny day the beauty and delicacy of the large flowers is mind blowing.

These Magnolias stand by a beautiful old church and I was determined to get my shot but I left it a day or two late as you can see most of the petals have fallen to the floor BUT it was only by coming to this church, which I had only passed by in the car before, that I noticed the Garden of Remembrance and what an overwhelming sense of peace invaded my heart as I tried different angles to get the best shot. Beautiful.

garden of remembrance

Seeing a place like this connects me to the people I have lost and reminds me that even if I still miss them dearly – they are at peace. Easter is a time of remembering our own loved ones who have passed on, seeing a photo such as this helps me believe that they are at peace and one day, somewhere we will meet again.

I’d also like to share Paolo Coelho, one of my favourite authors and his vlog which I found fascinating with you. This man speaks in a language that I understand and I am always left with wanting to hear more…and he’s pretty good at vlogging too.

Wishing you all a very Happy Easter and linking up with Tara’s The Gallery week 97 over at Sticky Fingers whose prompt was Peace.

Everything happens for a reason

I was asked to think of a personal motto and the first thing that came to mind was ‘What will be will be’ but it wasn’t 100% what I was looking for. I do believe in a certain amount of fate in life and although my concept of ‘Why are we here?’ isn’t entirely clear to me yet, I get the feeling that we’re here to learn and in learning we improve ourselves, become better people and (here’s the freaky bit) we elevate to a higher plane.

All very complicated stuff.

I was born into the Catholic religion. My paternal grandparents immigrated from Skibberean in the south of Ireland but dad was not the practising kind however I went to the local catholic school and therefore I went to the local St John’s R.C Catholic church mainly for three reasons..

  1. I liked to sing in Mrs Squires choir
  2. My Irish grandmother (Mary!) insisted I went to save my soul and to book my place in Heaven. She would check up on my attendance regularly.
  3. If I didn’t go I was asked to stand in front of the class on Monday and explain why to them.

Needless to say, I wasn’t the best attendee as I started to grow and rebel against rules and regulations and as I moved through life, I moved away from the Catholic religion. I checked out the church of England via the Girl Guides group. I read about Muslims, Hindus, and Sikhs as there were many in our local community and it was a interesting part of our religious education curriculum.

It was when I left school and started to make my own life that I searched for an answer. I read the Tao of Love and Sex a Chinese philosophy stating the male should avoid orgasm during sexual intercourse in order to prolong his life. It was fun trying but I moved on. I read about Buddha and learnt a little about karma, it made sense to me. ‘Lessons I hadn’t completed last time round had to be done again’, just like school. You want the GCSE? Study for it! If not retake. Simple.

I read about Carlos Castaneda in Mexico and his experiences of spirituality, I read about the American Indians and their philosophy on life. Paramahansa Yogananda shared his take on it all and I picked up Isabelle Allende’s House of the Spirits and Paolo Coelho’s book called The Alchemist.

Slowly all this literature bingeing was forcing me to think and organise my ideas. Clear out the rubbish.

I read the Celestine Prophecy, and ‘They Called Me Two Hearts’ (which as hard as I have tried I cannot find on Amazon but it is a fascinating tale of a female journalist who is ‘invited and then kidnapped’ by an aboriginal group. Her book is her experience as she lives with them for months and learns their meaning of life.) The more books I read the more I observed that all over the world people were talking about Spirit.

This is what I have come up with so far and I’m happily open for discussion on it, We are born into a family, and a certain economical level with a previously written list of things to accomplish during our stay here on Earth. We have the right in every moment to fulfill them or choose to not do so. The challenges we have pre set ourselves will be presented on our life journey at the right time and in order to get to them and be in the frame of mind of passing them we have to be ready and that is why many a time things don’t go our way, or we have to wait for things to fall into place before we can advance. As only when these things have all fallen into place can we progress and move on.

A quick example from my life? When Megan was 2, I was ready to fall pregnant again. I yearned with all my heart to have another child and would try every trick in the book to fall pregnant but it never worked. My ex was adamant there would be no more children. I couldn’t understand it but got on with it. Fast forward 15 odd years and I met Paul who didn’t have children but wanted them.

It took time, patience and heartbreak when we lost a little girl at 21 weeks for no apparent medical reason but we got there and were blessed with twin girls in 2008.

Although the why’s may not be clear to us at the time, I believe as we journey on it will become clear and our answers will be found. Everything happens for a reason.

 The beautiful photo

This post was written for Josie’s writing workshop.

I chose prompt 1. What’s your personal motto?Writing workshop

You may also like The Wreck of the Hesperus and Fear of the Unknown

You’re expecting twins!

My tears had halted momentarily, had I heard right? Was she saying that to me? I looked over at Paul who was still holding my hand as tightly, I could see the excitement, disbelief, incredulity under his skin, his face was twitching ever so slightly and he looked as if he was about to boil over with joy.

*****

As I lay down on the bed and lifted my top exposing my bare tummy to the scanologist (sorry can’t think of the right name for the lady scanner!) I went into panic mode. I was 8 weeks pregnant and the last two times I had reached this stage I had then discovered they were blighted ovums, where the baby had never formed in the sac or had been reabsorbed early on and therefore ending in miscarriage. I was shaking, in my heart I knew this was our last attempt. There was no way I could keep on putting myself through the agony of  joy-hope-failure. The scanning room for me held bad memories and I wasn’t feeling comfortable. In a desperate attempt to reassure myself, I surrepstitiously squeezed my boobs ‘Ouch!’ Good they were still painful and that meant pregnancy hormones were still in my body. I told the woman my history, a devastating loss at 5 months when we lost our little girl followed by two blighted ovums.

‘Thank you for telling me that.’ I’m sure I detected an Australian accent and then the room fell silent as she started to move the contraption over the gel on my tummy, the air heavy around me with suspense. Paul’s breathing was faster and our hands were held in a tight grip. I couldn’t bare him to go through the disappointment again and I was alreadystarting to feel a failure, my heart bomb diving into a black abyss. May Day! May Day!

I watched the lady looking intent at the screen moving the scan back and forth across my midriff. My bad voice piped up matter of factly ‘Nothing there again.’ and the tears started. Very slowly, very silently and I gripped Paul’s hand even harder trying desperately to make everything ok and hold on to positivity.

‘I’m so sorry to keep you waiting,’ she said. ‘I was just checking there aren’t three in there!’

‘Three?’ (I know! I’m so slow to get stuff – it had never dawned on me that I could possibly be a mother of twins even if Paul is a twin, I’d only ever asked for one!)

‘Yes!’ she exclaimed gleefully, relieved herself that her news was so good for us.’You’re expecting twins.’

‘How are their heartbeats?’ I immediately went into concerned mode wanting to cross all the T’s and dot the i’s.

‘Wonderfully strong heartbeats.’ Everything looks to be absolutely perfect.’

‘Can’t be!’ – that was the bad voice picking up again trying to ruin the moment but I was so shocked and utterly stunned I took no notice of it for once focusing on the good TWO WONDERFULLY STRONG HEARTBEATS. More tears fell but this time they were warm and tears of joy, the lady handed me some paper to wipe away the gel put I couldn’t care less about the gel I was pregnant and what’s more I was expecting twins, Paul took the paper and cleaned my tummy for me as we waited for the print out and our photos.

She gave us more photos than she should have done for our £4.00, I imagine she was very relieved to have been able to pass on our wonderful news and felt generous, after all who would find out her crime? I certainly wouldn’t have told a soul and these images I treasured for the following 8 months whilst I waited in angst until my beautiful little girls entered the world safe and sound.

This is my Flashback Friday for this week inspired very much by Karin at Cafe Bebe who is expecting and asked when I first found out I was expecting twins. Many women in pregnancy often get a thought ‘Maybe it’s twins?’ during the first months until the first scan can verify who and how many are inside. That thought comes from no where. Thrown at you casually from the universe to leave you wondering for weeks. I did get one of those thoughts but I was so anxious and so focused on just having ONE healthy baby I ignored it and let it go so it was a massive surprise that day to be told. In fact that day we both walked around stunned. Even the following few nights I would wake in the early hours and just ask Two? and reply Two! and fall back to sleep again in disbelief.

I kept a dairy throughout that pregnancy it was an online diary which also talks of many other things happening in my life during that period (teenage daughter living at home anyone?) I’m currently going through it and making it readable and focusing on the twin pregnancy and then I will post it for any other pregnant mum who may want to read it.

Now head over and see all the other Flashbacks over at Cafe Bebe

Chilled out

If there’s one thing I adore about having twins it’s the fact they have their own special bond which I can see developing every single day. Of course don’t think we don’t have fights as WE DO! and we have many, one of Bessie’s favourite sayings recently is ‘Shut Up Alice!’ Have no idea where she got those words from *cough*

Our days are busy, messy and often so jammed packed we never get everything done so when there is time to chill out, we do.

As a family we’re active and on the go, swimming, beach trips, DIY more so recently, gardening and all the other tasks that are part of family life, these pastimes of course tire the girls out and the sofa is a favourite place of there’s for crashing out. You may have seen our sofa is old and you’d be right to think so, Paul bought it back in his bachelor days and when the girls’ arrived it was our intention to upgrade to a beautiful brand new leather one but then the girls started bringing up milk, catching colds and cleaning their noses on the material (not intentionally, they were only tiny!) so the spanking brand new leather one has been pushed back well – for three years now! And whilst we’re at the sticky fingers stage I can’t see my dream brown leather sofa arriving for a while yet, sigh.

Talking of Sticky Fingers, Tara wants Chilled out this week so here are my daughters in true chillax twin mode….

Make sure you head over to Tara’s place to see all the other Chilled Out photos