You may remember we’re off to Lake Garda in June for 17 days. We specifically chose that area to be close to Megan and Gracey and be able to spend more time with them and I’m really looking forward to it.
Megan decided to have Gracey’s christening whilst we are there to avoid us all having to come over once again or worse, miss out on the occasion. She phoned me a month ago and asked me on the phone if I would be ok in the same room as her dad as she wanted to avoid any conflict in front of her guests.
Understandable and I pointed out that I was perfectly fine being in the same room as him but that it was her father who had the problem. He was the one that needed to be asked. She knew this but admitted that it was so difficult speaking to her father without him going off on one that she wanted to try first with me. I am the easier option.
I assured her I would be fine, I reminded her that I am perfectly happy with Paul and that I had absolutely no need to speak or see her dad. I would stay out of his way but was also quite happy to talk to him should the occasion rise. I’d make sure her day was memorable for all the right reasons.
Paul wasn’t so happy at giving up a ‘beach’ day for a ‘church thing’ but would drag himself along for the love of Megan who he gets on very well with.
On her recent trip the Christening was brought up, the arrangements, the reception, could I buy Gracey her christening gown and so on. It turns out that dad has had a turn around since (That’s a surprise! – not. He’ll probably have another ten changes of mind between now and then) and when Megan said I would be there with Paul and the girls as discussed, he replied that in that case he wouldn’t be at the reception, which is being held in his hotel.
Can I say the word ‘arsehole’ here without offending anyone?
I could say a lot more but I won’t, I will contain myself as this is my ex at his very selfish best.
I agreed with Megan that to make sure her day was special we would go to the church service and then clear off so dad wouldn’t be offended with my presence. (Idiot)
The next day after a lot of thought I approached Megan again and asked, was it worth us coming all that way at all? I mean the service with twins will be hard work, we’ll probably be outside more than inside and seeing as her dad was so adamant at not seeing me, we wouldn’t be missed. Maybe the rest of the family feel the same way too?
Her response was tears. She wants us there and in the photos so when Gracey looks back she knows we made our contribution. She realises her dad is totally out of order but no one can speak to the man because if someone did he would let all hell loose on that person and turn it round so he was the victim.
Little does this man know that his emotional blackmail over the years has indelibly signed our two children so deeply they are and always will be traumatised and he is too bloody minded and egotistical to ever question himself.
I couldn’t give a monkeys’ if it’s me he wants to hurt. Go ahead. Sticks and stones. But by constantly hurting my children he makes me seethe with anger. Something I thought was long gone.
The sad outcome of this is that I will always have this wretched man in my life as we are both important figures to our children. They love us both equally regardless of who is ‘right’ and who is ‘wrong’.
It’s an even harder task than the one David Cameron has on his hands I’m afraid and I’m not sure we’ll ever get there but where there’s a will there’s a way.