The Other Woman

On waking this morning I could remember my dream so clearly as if I had stepped out of one world into the other just a moment before my cue. I had spent the best part of that particular dream clearing up my ex’s house, (as if I haven’t got enough clearing up to do all waking hours here!) When he’s in my dreams it always surprises me. I mean we are so over and have both moved on that it’s perturbing to say the least.

Sometimes when he’s in my dreams there is a fine line of truth and later in real life I will see an aspect of that particular dream ‘come true’, this has happened on more than the odd occasion so of course that’s why I’m jumping back to reality in such a hurry so it’s all fresh in my mind and I can file it away in that shaky, not to be completely trusted memory box, just like my lottery numbers I dreamt a while back. (I have sooo got the winning numbers!)

Anyway, in last night’s particular dream I was very satisfied. I was tidying up his house and finding her clothes all over the place, some neat and tidy, ironed and folded in drawers and a pair of very nice jeans I must say, probably designer and paid for by him scattered on the floor inside out ‘alla teenager’ well after all she’s half my age.

Well I chucked her stuff straight in a charity bag, very satisfied with myself, I shoved her very nice designer jeans in a place where she won’t find them and if she does they will be ruined beyond wear. All in all a very satisfactory dream, I had got an incy, wincy, teeny, weeny bit of my own back.

Back to reality my first question is Why? Why on earth dream of him and her? It gets right on my nerves every time, the pain of our separation died away years ago – so why?

Could it be a message that they’re close to splitting up? That would be a Godsend, trust me!

You see a mere 20 something at the time, she was probably selfishly unaware of the dramatic consequences that would ensue from thrusting her barely covered breasts into my then husband’s face non stop. After all it was a game for her, she was trying to test out her seductive powers and By Jove they worked! Within a year of their first flirts we were history, Thomas, Megan and I rallied together to overcome what was to be one of the most difficult parts of our life story yet to overcome.

Thomas, 16 and Megan then 14.

That’s the bit that breaks my heart most. At a time when they needed stability, when they were going through their own changes Sabrina sent it all tits up, literally and I can never forgive her that. I won’t. I would rather combat future karma with her than say ‘No that’s ok, you completely shat on our lives and I’ll forgive you because you were a young, selfish cow who never once stopped to think of the consequences of your actions.’

So it’s not surprising that I shipped her stuff off to charity last night thanking the Dear Lord that she was out of our lives forever.

At the time of our separation I was devastated and most of my anger was obviously towards him for being such an incredible idiot and then her, for wrecking my home. I cannot go further without pointing out our relationship was dire indeed, quite a farce by then but we had got back together ‘for the children’s sake’ and that was now irrepairably destroyed. My friends would comfort me and say, ‘You can’t blame her, it’s his doing.’ which drove me mad, I wanted to put my hands around her sweet neck and shake it till she was blue in the face so great was my anger.

We split, I moved back, I got a life of my own – one which I treasure with every fibre in my body – and I left it all alone. I, well done Mari, moved on completely, 100%. And then it came to me as to why I had been so angry with her and why Mistresses must take account of their actions and not get off so lightly all the time.

After all – They Have a Choice too

She worked for us, in the wine bar of our hotel working very closely with Enrico. She saw me day in day out as I popped in for a chat or even help out with the waitressing in very busy moments (I bet that threw her!) She knew Thomas and Megan, knew how old they were, spoke to them on a regular basis, laughed with them, chatted with them, even jokingly flirted with my Tommy – you can imagine the effect that had on my strapping young hormonal 16 year old! Nuff said.

So, no. I will not be one tiny bit upset if I hear they have split up tomorrow. I will gladly help chuck all of her stuff out of the window like the bad apple she is and send her packing as is long overdue.

Chats with Megan in the past few years have revealed that she was a tremendous bitch in my home. The very least she could have done was to ensure my children, the fall out of her choice, were looked after. She didn’t and for that, I have unfinished business with her, in this life or the next. When the opportunity arises.

‘If you’ questions and other musings

I had a lovely evening out a few nights back with the mums from the twin club. A group of mums who only meet once a week through the twins club and all who look forward to an excuse to get out every now and then (me included!)

We went to Bluewater, our local shopping mall, as it’s central to us all and offers a huge choice of meal options and our choice for that night was La Tasca, Spanish tapas.

Anyway, I’m not here to tell you about that but our chit chat which at one point got on to;

‘If you were to betray your husband/partner, who would it be with?

For me, no hard thinking, Johnny Depp. Drop Dead Gorgeous, incredibly talented, intelligent and funny. (Paul knows about this) And let me tell you, one of the mums present has even had a kiss on her cheek from the man himself!! How? Well she is a nurse at the Great Ormond Street Children’s Hospital in London and his child was one of her patients a few years back so that’s when she got her kiss. Wow!!!

Other favourites included Brad Pitt and George Clooney, but ‘If you were to betray your beloved, who would it be with?

Then we moved on, ‘If you could invite anyone you wanted, who would you invite to your dinner party?’

Madonna was one of the first names I came out with followed by Denzel Washington, Samuel Jackson, Jodi Picoult. I’d also like to speak with Anthony Hopkins and I think I would really enjoy a chat with President Obama too. Somebody mentioned Jordan aka Katie Price, not one of my top choices but I bet she could be quite funny at a party.

There are many many other people in the celeb world I’d love to meet and talk to, Cheryl Cole for one, who came out tops within the mums verdict but ‘If you could invite whoever you wanted who would you invite to your dinner party?’

Trust and betrayal

I have been reading with sad interest the recent news surrounding John Terry and Wayne Bridge and I was sorry yesterday to see Wayne take the decision to step down from playing for England in the World Cup compromising his own football career.

I hope with two months ahead he may overcome this and change his mind but I do understand his confusion and possibly dislike of being close to a man, once called a friend, who betrayed him on such a deep level.

We’ve been talking about friends on the blogosphere recently and how some come into your life share wonderful experiences with you and then vanish never to be seen again and others stay around for the whole long haul. Each one of these encounters, we imagined, were to enrich our lives and show us new angles from which to analyse yourself.

Trust, I believe, is fundamental in any relationship and when that trust is broken it is incredibly hard to patch up and move on. It can be done but requires enormous amounts of input from both parties.

So why is it that all of us at some point have been betrayed by a person we called a friend? What is the lesson to be learnt here?

Do as you would be done by.

A powerful statement that I try to live by. I don’t want any of my friends having a fling with my man so I don’t flirt with their men, not even for a joke but freshly arrived in Italy at the tender age of 19 and madly in love with my very own Italian I was horrified to see how girls would hang around him very obviously looking for his attention fully aware that he was ‘in a relationship’. This didn’t seem to bother them in the slightest and yet there was such a strong enforced rule I had learnt growing up here in the UK.

If he’s ‘spoken for’ you don’t mess.

So why didn’t the Rule count out there? I came across this time and time again  it caused endless arguments until eventually it wore me out and I surrendered.

Vanessa Perroncel is French, I believe she grew up there and came here to work a few years back. So is it a continental thing? Or does it also exist here in the UK and yet I, thankfully haven’t bumped into it yet?

What makes a woman go with a man when she knows he is a husband and father, when she realises that her actions will have dire consequences on an entire family? Greed? Ignorance? Lust?

When I was 18 I worked in a famous restaurant in Mayfair London as a receptionist. On handing in my notice my manager suggested we had a leaving party, me and him, he would book a room at the Ritz Hotel and we could spend an afternoon together.

A mind-boggling suggestion let there be no doubts at what he was hoping for, but I knew he had a wife and two little boys and coming from a broken family myself I couldn’t do it. I declined.

If you were the other woman do you think you would be able to stop yourself and turn away before it was too late?