Our discussion had already been heated as we thrashed out our differences.
He doesn’t think it’s right for me to spend ‘hours’ on the pc when I could be ironing, washing, cleaning, scrubbing and doing the trillion other chores that exists in any Stay At Home Mum’s life.
I, on the other hand only go on the PC when the girls are sleeping and use it as very precious Me Time. (At about 16.30 I suddenly realise I’ve been on here far too long and go into stupid mode completing an afternoon’s work in record time!)
My blog has become more and more important to me as each post is submitted and comments start to dribble through and after 6 weeks just when I’m starting to get the hang of it, THIS.
He doesn’t read or write classing it as a chore rather than a favourable pastime. He cannot see the pleasure one gets from slowly coming to grips with something new, making it work for you and seeing your own improvement as the days pass. A practical man who believes that dreams should remain belongings of the night.
When he asked me the question above, I took a sharp intake of breath as it registered on my brain (What did he just ask me?) and in a nano second my blood raised to 100 degree celsius and exploded against my skull, my heart was almost crashing out of my rib cage and it scared me…
Where had all this anger come from? We were merely discussing my new blog.
My hands were shaking at the end of my arms and my whole body was trembling, taken over by the most massive wrath ever. I was impressed! I didn’t know I could get this angry and I certainly didn’t realise how much this new project actually meant to me.
I think I scared him too. I saw a flicker in his eyes, the flash of concern fleet across his brow and the quick calculation in his brain ‘Uh-oh, I shouldn’t have said that!’
NO you shouldn’t have bloody said that.
Then unable to stop this incredible rage in its tracks I did my usual; I shouted hurtful, horrible words I could think of.
Why didn’t I reply…
‘Well actually, seeing as we’ve both decided that I should stay at home with the girls whilst they are small and concentrate on bringing them up properly, I thought I’d try to have a go at writing. My dream for a long time has been to write a book and in order to do that successfully I need to practice my writing. A blog is the perfect place to do so. Who knows? I may be able to make some money along the way too?
Oh no, not me. I crashed around our front room like a bull in a confined pen anxious for release.
I said all those awful things to my soul mate, to the man I love most in this world. The man who holds me tenderly all night long. The most honest and kind man I have ever met. The man who has been there every step of the way holding my hand through our heart breaks and kissing the world back to better when I thought it could no longer be a place for me to live.
I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gone off like that. I want to continue with my blog as I’m discovering so much about myself. I will not deprive the girls of fun time and I would never see them come to any harm.
They are our life and you are mine.
This post has been written for Josie’s 15th Writing workshop I chose prompt 4 – Recount a time when you erupted.