What would you do?

autumn skyHave you ever done something that you later bitterly regretted? Have you thought to yourself ‘What was I thinking?’ ‘Why the hell did I do that?

Have you ever wished that if you could turn back time and eliminate that moment from your ‘timeline’ how wonderful everything would be now?

I have about one particular situation constantly, daily, weekly, monthly for over a year now and I have tried and tried and tried to put things straight but everytime I have tried I have dug myself, unwittingly, a deeper hole. I have been misunderstood and I will have to be so careful in what I write here but quite simply – I can’t take it anymore.

How do you know it’s time to give up?

Should you give up?

Can I turn my back now and walk away or will I forever have that feeling ‘You didn’t do enough’? ‘You could have tried one more time’

On the few occasions over the past year when I have tried to repair the damage and have been swept aside I have thought to myself ‘Well you tried, hold your head high and move on.’ but then that niggly feeling starts maybe the other person misunderstood what you were trying to say, maybe they too are suffering. Maybe, maybe and I fill in the blanks with all possible solutions that would account for this person’s reaction or non reaction in this particular case.

Where am I going wrong?

My last attempt at patching up was two months ago. I received an email in reply saying busy, busy times we’ll be in touch and I have waited and waited and waited. I know lives are busy, I’m in no hurry but two months and not a word kind of screams out to me, I’m not going to get a reply EVER.

Nothing.

I’m tired now. I made a mistake but I can’t carry this ball of lead around my neck any longer. It saddens me that I didn’t manage to make it right but I have tried. I can’t keep on any more and I hate giving up but sometimes maybe you just have to look a situation in the eye and close the book, put it away and move on.

Sometimes, maybe, in life we simply have to give the ‘garden’ a good weed. Feng shui of life by removing the bits that make you sad and drag you down into a spiral of depression.

Maybe this is one of life’s lessons? Learning when to let go, learning to distinguish closed forever chapters with ones that need more love and attention.

Life is hard to interpret isn’t it sometimes? How will I know if I’m doing the right thing? Can I walk away now?

What would you do?

19 Comments

  1. October 4, 2012 / 10:59 AM

    Oh Mari, Sorry to read that you are going through a bit of a tough time. Over the past year I have had to close the door on quite a few people in my life. These people were family, best friends some of them. People I love and once adored. I will always love them but some things cant be fixed. If you have tried and had no response then I would try once more and if you still get no response then I would walk away. Sometimes people can make us feel really rubbish, and last year I made a promise to myself never to let anyone ever drag me down emotionally ever again. Sending you love & hugs xxx

    • Mari
      Author
      October 4, 2012 / 9:03 PM

      You’re right and I feel exactly the same way but I keep wondering if I haven’t tried hard enough but now in my heart I feel time is closing down – maybe that’s what prompted this post

  2. October 4, 2012 / 8:29 PM

    It sounds like something that’s been really bothering you. I would say that if it’s been causing you this much distress, and you have tried your best (like it sounds you have) to resolve it, but to no avail, then maybe it’s time to move on. You can at least tell yourself that you did try…. xxx

    • Mari
      Author
      October 4, 2012 / 9:04 PM

      Thanks I’ve really been hoping for some outside opinions today as I feel so ‘on the fence’ right now. Thank you for your words xx

  3. October 5, 2012 / 9:45 PM

    Mari, I’m so sorry to read about this. I think sometimes in life you just have to weed the garden and start a fresh. If you have tried your best and reached out the branches to mend something but it’s not been accepted then, as hard as it is, maybe it’s time to move on.
    I know I’ve not been about much lately but I’m always here if you want a chat on twitter, email, Skype etc. Just holler. Hugs xx

    • Mari
      Author
      October 8, 2012 / 8:11 AM

      Thanks for your lovely comment, I couldn’t agree more, as hard as it is to do but I just seem to be getting more and more miserable which in time turns into bitterness and I don’t want to have bitterness in my heart.
      Love you and take care of that gorgeous family of yours xx

  4. Rebecca English
    October 7, 2012 / 10:07 PM

    Sometimes you need to set yourself an ultimatum – e.g I will try one more time and then leave it.

    • Mari
      Author
      October 8, 2012 / 8:10 AM

      Yes you’re right and when I wrote this email back in August that was my thinking so this is where I’m at now, the last time has been tried, now it’s time to give up :( #heartbreaking

  5. October 8, 2012 / 1:21 PM

    I think this is a very tough situation, it sounds like you have tried so many times to make amends and if they are not responding then that doesn’t seem fair. I wish a certain member of my family would at least even try to say sorry for the hurt she caused but she doesn’t even think what she did was wrong. I think you have obviously been upset and you have reached out more than enough times and as hard as it will be it might be the time to put it down to one of those life experiences. Huge Hugs XXX

    • Mari
      Author
      October 13, 2012 / 3:06 PM

      Thanks for your comment and I hope your family member one day says sorry – it may be the hardest thing to do but it’s worth it

  6. Karen Marquick
    October 8, 2012 / 9:33 PM

    My husband is going through a situation not too dissimilar. His son from his first marriage no longer wants to see him (he’s only 10), my husband has beat himself up as to what he could have done differently, if he tried hard enough to fight to see his son. What does he do now….does he keep fighting despite the clear message he has received, or does he now take a step back. In his situation my husband can never walk away and shut the door because its his son, but he has to consider now whether its time to stop fighting and to walk away for the time being. Do we ever know in life if we are doing the right thing? xx

    • Mari
      Author
      October 13, 2012 / 3:07 PM

      I’m not sure we will ever know but we have to follow our hearts, my heart kept saying ‘try again’ now it’s telling me to stop. I shall be following my heart’s advice. Thanks for your comment.

  7. L Colbeck
    October 13, 2012 / 12:40 PM

    Sometimes in life we act in a way that is so hurtful to friends or family and make a huge error of judgment that things are simply irreparable; the damage is done, there is too much hurt and a bond of trust is broken.

    Maybe, just maybe, the loved one you hurt has taken your own advice and decided now is the time to move on, garden some weeds and remove the people that drag them down.

    • Mari
      Author
      October 13, 2012 / 3:14 PM

      You are right
      I am relieved to not have to deal with this situation anymore and have been given the freedom to move on. Trust me I have lost many a good night’s sleep worrying over it and all the consequences. Last night I didn’t sleep at all coming to terms with The End, tonight I will sleep for Britain :)

  8. Ali
    October 13, 2012 / 12:47 PM

    May be the damage you did to some one was worse than you thought. But all you can see that you have tried to offer an olive branch but they may be they may need a lot more time. Even though you say you have tried maybe they were so hurt tha they see it as being pressured into forgiving you and they are just not ready. I had a friend who done the dirty on me i was so hurt that even 10 years on i can not forgive her for what she did. Some times you just need to realise that you have hurt someone so much that you can never be forgiven for what ever you have done. Sometimes i have seen my ex friend about and sit and wonder what she is up to etc. But the trust was lost i know that we could never have tin same relationship ever again as i would have to keep her at arms length as i would be so frightened of getting hurt again

    • Mari
      Author
      October 13, 2012 / 3:20 PM

      Thanks for your comment Ali and I appreciate your thoughts on the matter,

      I never wanted to pressure anyone but thinking there was a possibility I followed my heart.

  9. Zoe
    October 13, 2012 / 5:55 PM

    I guess sometimes the hurt you cause someone is just too much for them to get over, too much for them to forgive. I’m sure most people have done something they deeply regret and you just have to learn from it. I assume whatever you’ve done was too much for your friend to get past.

    They probably weren’t stringing you along for this past year, maybe they hoped they could work through it and forgive you, but I guess it’s just too much for them and they’ve realised whatever happened is too big. From what you’ve said it sounds like your friend must have been really hurt and it could be that they’ve decided the pains not worth it.

    I’ve been very hurt by a friend in the past and it’s something that I won’t ever be able to get over. Obviously people can upset you and you just decide to move on, but sometimes the betrayal is too much. Why have people in your life that cause you pain or that are constant reminders of hurt and betrayal?

    • Mari
      Author
      October 13, 2012 / 6:11 PM

      Yes Zoe, you are right and now I have the finality of The End I too can move on. I will take from this experience and learn as I hope others involved will too. Sometimes lessons in life are hard aren’t they?

  10. C Hymas
    October 13, 2012 / 6:34 PM

    It all depends what you have done. You must have hurt your friend very badly for them not to be in contact but 2 months is no time at all. I can’t seem to find the time for going to dentist and I’ve just finished 9 months maternity leave! You’ve obviously done something and started this so you really have to leave the forgiveness to the person it belongs to, don’t pit time limits on friendships just keep everything friendly and hopefully in time things will work itself but don’t ever ever blame your friend for something you have started as it did sound like you did above. 2 months is no time at all! Hope you spoke to her about blogging this before posting as I would be so upset you were making it so public.

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