It’s been a very busy time of year here in Mari’s World which of course is all very exciting and I do hope you like the products I have chosen to review for you but of course this has meant less chat from me, which maybe you were quite thankful of so sorry guys I’m about to break my silence and talk to you again.
Reason being I am constantly bumping into people, old friends and new, who are about to/going through/getting a divorce and my heart goes out to them knowing first hand how painful a road it can be, there’s always something deep inside me that wants to help these people in one way or another, even just by listening or just being there. I want to take away their pain. Which is impossible but doesn’t stop me wanting to make them feel better and it was when I was contemplating all of these emotions that come forth in such moments that I took a look at my own life and realised that I have finally completed the full circle and I can shout out to the world I. Am. Happy.
This is the message I want to pass on to people out there. That there will be a time you can smile again but you will have to go through a horrible phase first.
For me it all started back in 2003 when I discovered my then husband was having an affair, our relationship had been more unpredictable and volatile than Mount Etna but that didn’t prevent me from feeling tremendous shock, disbelief and pain when I found out. In fact earlier posts on my blog may seem quite hateful but maybe this was a self defence mechanism, I find I need to write thoughts on paper to get them out of my system, it was a way of clearing out the cupboards for me, airing the vaults of my mind and allowing myself to start afresh.
So the beginning of my circle was the finding out, the shock and initial pain, the second part was the picking myself up ALONE a terrifying prospect after having been a couple until then. I had to drag my self confidence from out of the deepest pits and force myself to start taking control of every aspect of my life. I thank my lovely Italian friends I had around me at the time who would pick me up and help me along my way, I don’t think I could have done it without them.
On to the third part of my circle, I was coping and deciding for ME. What I wanted to do, where I wanted to go and what I wanted to watch on TV. This part is is deeply healing. I realised in this part of my circle that I was worth it, I was a decent human being and I did have a right to have a happy life. This was also the part of my circle that I was quite bitter. I looked back with anger in my heart and it clouded my vision to a certain extent. I used writing to free myself of the hatred, the bitterness and the upset and it was cleansing. By getting all those nasty thoughts out I was liberated from them and able to move on. This third part of my circle is the part where I met my partner, we started a new family, my divorce was finalised and I could move on and away from it all. I still have very strong bonds with my older children and am in touch as often as life will permit, I’m lucky in the respect they both have their own partners and families and lives to live.
And now? I have come full circle, I have completed the fourth stage and can stand here in front of you hand on heart and say, I have no hate in my heart and it really is all behind me. Now I don’t feel I have to declare this to anyone but my happiness of realising that there is a point where it’s all over is so great I want to share it.
If you are going through a tough time I need you to know it will get better and one day it will be over and maybe just that glimmer of hope will help you through the bleak moments.
I suppose my greatest test will be if I ever bump into my ex again and as we live in two different countries it won’t be a regular occurrence but right now I feel as if I could put my hand out to shake his, our past behind us and forgotten and I can move on to the next chapter.