Going Full Circle – Life ponderings

Freedom
It’s been a very busy time of year here in Mari’s World which of course is all very exciting and I do hope you like the products I have chosen to review for you but of course this has meant less chat from me, which maybe you were quite thankful of so sorry guys I’m about to break my silence and talk to you again.

Reason being I am constantly bumping into people, old friends and new, who are about to/going through/getting a divorce and my heart goes out to them knowing first hand how painful a road it can be, there’s always something deep inside me that wants to help these people in one way or another, even just by listening or just being there. I want to take away their pain. Which is impossible but doesn’t stop me wanting to make them feel better and it was when I was contemplating all of these emotions that come forth in such moments that I took a look at my own life and realised that I have finally completed the full circle and I can shout out to the world I. Am. Happy.

This is the message I want to pass on to people out there. That there will be a time you can smile again but you will have to go through a horrible phase first.

For me it all started back in 2003 when I discovered my then husband was having an affair, our relationship had been more unpredictable and volatile than Mount Etna but that didn’t prevent me from feeling tremendous shock, disbelief and pain when I found out. In fact earlier posts on my blog may seem quite hateful but maybe this was a self defence mechanism, I find I need to write thoughts on paper to get them out of my system, it was a way of clearing out the cupboards for me, airing the vaults of my mind and allowing myself to start afresh.

So the beginning of my circle was the finding out, the shock and initial pain, the second part was the picking myself up ALONE a terrifying prospect after having been a couple until then. I had to drag my self confidence from out of the deepest pits and force myself to start taking control of every aspect of my life. I thank my lovely Italian friends I had around me at the time who would pick me up and help me along my way, I don’t think I could have done it without them.

On to the third part of my circle, I was coping and deciding for ME. What I wanted to do, where I wanted to go and what I wanted to watch on TV. This part is is deeply healing. I realised in this part of my circle that I was worth it, I was a decent human being and I did have a right to have a happy life. This was also the part of my circle that I was quite bitter. I looked back with anger in my heart and it clouded my vision to a certain extent. I used writing to free myself of the hatred, the bitterness and the upset and it was cleansing. By getting all those nasty thoughts out I was liberated from them and able to move on. This third part of my circle is the part where I met my partner, we started a new family, my divorce was finalised and I could move on and away from it all. I still have very strong bonds with my older children and am in touch as often as life will permit, I’m lucky in the respect they both have their own partners and families and lives to live.

And now? I have come full circle, I have completed the fourth stage and can stand here in front of you hand on heart and say, I have no hate in my heart and it really is all behind me. Now I don’t feel I have to declare this to anyone but my happiness of realising that there is a point where it’s all over is so great I want to share it.

If you are going through a  tough time I need you to know it will get better and one day it will be over and maybe just that glimmer of hope will help you through the bleak moments.

I suppose my greatest test will be if I ever bump into my ex again and as we live in two different countries it won’t be a regular occurrence but right now I feel as if I could put my hand out to shake his, our past behind us and forgotten and I can move on to the next chapter.

12 Comments

  1. SAHMlovingit
    November 10, 2011 / 4:20 PM

    I’m so happy that you’ve some full circle. When someone betrays you it does take such a long time to get over (if at all) and I can imagine that the pain your felt having children must have been unbearable. It takes someone very strong to do this Mari so I can imagine how happy and content you must feel and your need to share this joy xxx

  2. November 10, 2011 / 9:41 PM

    Whatever life throws at us I always hold the belief that things will get better. I have seen so many people come through the other side of relationship hell and find happiness and I’m so glad that your story backs this up. Writing helps so much, whether its public or private and I hope that my writing whether public or private ramblings will one day help my kids to see that life is complicated and hard sometimes and help them to understand that it is never black and white.
    Thanks for sharing and I’m so glad you haven’t turned into an old cynic x

    • Mari
      Author
      November 11, 2011 / 10:42 AM

      Thanks for your lovely comment, I couldn’t agree more with what you are saying and one day when the kids are older maybe they’ll gain more insight from reading your thoughts on what happened. Life’s a funny old thing and I’m constantly striving to make mine the best I possibly can

  3. Mari
    Author
    November 11, 2011 / 10:38 AM

    It takes a lot of time and effort to get to this point and You (ie me) have to do the hardest part which is forgiving and forgetting but once you’ve achieved that it’s the best feeling on Earth and that’s why I wanted to share it so others know it’s achievable too

  4. Helen Spencer
    November 11, 2011 / 12:22 PM

    Two divorces (it’s taken me 7 years to be able to even say it out loud for the shame of it), but I’ve never been happier than I am right now with my stressful life, my gentle-man husband, our 4 year old, my 11 year old and 2 marvellous older step-children.
    Hang in there. Helen

  5. Crystal Jigsaw
    November 11, 2011 / 12:33 PM

    Such a positive post. We all go through tough times but you’re right, we come out the other end. My ex-husband and I are very good friends now, we’ve been divorced for nearly 15 years but we have a good relationship. The past is in the past and should remain there, but the circle of life will always turn.

    CJ xx

    • Mari
      Author
      November 11, 2011 / 3:11 PM

      Thanks for a lovely comment CJ, it’s a very inspiring position to be in to have such a wonderful relationship with your ex. I don’t think we’ll ever be good friends (my ex and I) but to be able to talk and get on would be a marvellous step in the right direction

  6. November 11, 2011 / 12:54 PM

    I so agree with you! Having had to go through 2 divorces to get to my third wonderful marriage I know that things can get better.xx

    • Mari
      Author
      November 11, 2011 / 3:11 PM

      Yay and it’s so lovely to be able to pass on that info to others who haven’t quite got through it all yet isn’t it? thanks for your comment

  7. November 11, 2011 / 1:49 PM

    I’m here via the Blow you Own Blog hop.

    When I divorced it was just because things didn’t work, so there wasn’t such an obvious cause for the split. I still feel guilty about it even though I’ve been now been remarried for three years!

    I certainly don’t regret getting divorced, but somehow even after 7 years I just can’t shake the guilt over the failure.

    • Mari
      Author
      November 11, 2011 / 3:06 PM

      Guilt also takes some working on you know. I suppose you’ll have to go through the why you feel that and start to see maybe you’re looking form the wrong angle – I don’t know but I really hope you can shake it one day as it can’t be healthy to carry it around, it must reflect on your outlook now so see if you can squash it for good x

  8. November 15, 2011 / 11:17 AM

    Wow, a great post and so happy to hear you have come full circle and are happy again. A positive post that may well help others going through similar experiences. Its nice to hear xx

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