Trying to conceive and over 40: 20/10/06 (Babyworld diaries)

Think of a bad word beginning with B and ending ‘ks’- that’s what I said when I dashed to the loo after just getting home last night!

AF came earlier than expected which was on Sunday – I have always been like a swiss clock so it came as a surprise and got my attention. It must be something to do with the miscarriage back in July. I’ve read that each pregnancy can alter your cycle. I did try to kid myself just for a mo’ that it was an implantation bleed but I’ve never had one of those so I knew it couldn’t be.
So I’d best get a new ticker sorted out. (refers to a widget put up on the Babyworld profile indicating how far you were into your pregnancy)

The unexpected arrival did bring on thoughts of my lost baby and dragged up emotions that I could have done without.
All I want is to get pregnant as quickly as possible. I feel I’m running against time and I also feel as if I’m letting down DP each month AF turns up. It makes me feel guilty and at one point last night I even said – maybe you should look for a younger girl. I didn’t mean it, I’d be devastated if we broke up. I just want to do this but am frightened it will never happen.

I thought about getting one of those fertility kits from Boots that tell you if you’ve got any eggs left, what state they are in and your chances of getting pregnant. I decided I’d leave it for a bit, after all, this is my 1st cycle of TTC. I really would have been damned lucky had it happened. I’m sure I’ve also read somewhere that it takes a couple of cycles to start ovulating after mc.

Anyway – enough said. At least I can have a glass of wine tomorrow at dinner and I can get back into the gym next week which got totally laid aside this week whilst I meandered around Topshop maternity, Mothercare and H&M maternity. Won’t be needing that just yet, eh?

Roll on November – let’s see if we can catch the egg!

A little later on – a second entry

So, the evening was spent with a little retail therapy – you know, to pick the spirits up and forget the Old Bag has arrived.
What did I come home with? A digital OPK for next month!
I am sat here with a glass of vino though as DP is out with his work colleagues, good for him. I bet he won’t be going for his 7 mile run tomorrow!


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