Carrying on with my quest to carve out more me time this week has gone completely to pot…it’s half term week and that means all of my time is spent with the girls BUT I am loving it.

halloween silhouettes

So this week’s me time post for Mums and Me will be dedicated to our half term week spent together.

MumsandMe

In all honesty I didn’t want an action packed week, I wanted them to relax and have fun, to play with toys that have been forgotten since they have started school. I wanted them to chill in front of a good film on the sofa and to enjoy sweets, chocolate and cake; all things that in term time are given out in restricted doses.

As quiet as I wanted to keep it, our weekend started with a Halloween 5th birthday party and a trip to the theatre to see Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom.

Ben and Holly Little Kingdom

We went to the Disney shop yesterday and bought a Merida (Brave) puzzle plus we found a couple of ideas for Christmas presents. We have cooked a sticky toffee apple cake, had our faces painted and been to a Halloween party where we got sticky with paint and glue, decorated cakes and coloured in pictures.

halloween activities

Daddy’s off for the next two days and they don’t know it but we’re

  • going swimming
  • going to see Madagascar 3, which apparently is brilliant
  • and attending another birthday party at the weekend too

As for me Me time well I may have found my wedding dress – I need to nip back to the shop quick before someone else gets it and no I haven’t tried it on as I had the girls with me but I fell in love with it so I hope it looks good and they have my size. This could possibly be next week’s Me time post ;)

You’ll be pleased to know over the past week I found the time to file my nails, sort out my legs and bake a cake but that ruddy cushion hasn’t seen a stitch all week. I pledge to get the darned thing sewn up and stuffed by Christmas – ok?

But most of all, I came out of two blogging forums and I feel so much better for it. I may not know what everyone is saying but I have realised it doesn’t matter, I don’t care and I feel so much better for it.

frankenstein

I have never coped well listening to others back stabbing and being spiteful, being witness to certain discussions was dragging me down. Now what the eye doesn’t see the heart can’t grieve, I’m living in pure ignorance and LOVING it.

Sometimes it’s just good to get stuff ‘off your chest’ wouldn’t you agree? And for a while now I’ve been feeling a bit out of sorts with myself. I’m carrying on, plodding by and getting all my work done but something isn’t quite right.

I have forgotten some family birthdays these past few months, something I have never done before priding myself on being on time on all occasions. I’ve forgotten thank you cards to thank people for thinking of me. I have a needlework piece I’m very proud of sitting around waiting to be sewn up since the beginning of the year – look here’s proof

emily peacock cushion almost compeleted

29/01/2012 – almost there

It’s finished and just needs sewing into a cushion but I never get round to it.

I have some friends who I haven’t caught up with in far too long. I have two gorgeous little girls who I should be playing with more and talking to to more.

I have projects I’d like to start but can’t seem to find the time, books to read; I must be the only female world over whose copy of 50 Shades is lying covered in dust abandoned after 6/7 chapters!

So when I saw Mum’s and me request for Me Time posts I knew it was a sign for me to get myself out there a bit more. Interact with ‘real’ people and find some time for me.

I look at my unshaven legs, my un-filed nails and my toe nails that need cutting and I realise I have neglected myself for far too long and this is no good. I need to cut back on the time spent on the pc and start using my time in a better way.

So yesterday, after cancelling for two weeks on the trot, thanks to sick children, I finally caught up with my lovely twin mums for a coffee in the posh John Lewis cafe at Bluewater. To think only a couple of years ago we used to meet every week on a Wednesday at Twin’s club come rain or shine a real lifesaver for all of us. Even last year we managed coffee mornings whilst the children were at preschool but since the girl’s birthday  in July it’s gone hopelessly downhill. I haven’t managed to make any of the organised night’s out, I missed out the twin club picnic and many other twin club trips simply because they clashed with other arrangements we had.

I started to feel bad and that leads to my usual paranoia setting in – ‘I hope they don’t think I’m trying to avoid them’

I’m not right at the moment, I’m not thinking straight. The fact I have lost a friend recently after trying hard to make up has hit me hard and sent me into a sadness that is proving hard to kick. I worry about my other half as this loss has caused a rift with all of his friends. Friends he’s had since childhood and I’m finding that an enormous responsibility to carry on my shoulders. I wanted to say to these people, ‘I don’t care if you don’t like me or never will but please don’t do that to him.’ But they did and although Other Half smiles brightly and shrugs his shoulders I can’t get past it.

I realise at 46 this ‘feeling‘ could be hormonally emphasised too. We go through the whole rigmarole of hormones in our teens turning us into blue eyed monsters and they’re back to plague us later on. Is this insecurity, lack of confidence and paranoia connected to an oncoming menopause I have yet to acknowledge?

It’s hard isn’t it being a woman? Fitting all these different parts of life into one big whole and managing them so our families are happy and are houses are safe havens.

This was supposed to be a post about me time but maybe just dedicating space to throw my thoughts down on paper is me time for me?

After all I did have another coffee this morning with some lovely school mums. New, caring people in my life that it’s a pleasure to be with, we have a couple of Christmas party nights in the calendar where we are spreading the word and inviting lots of other mums to join in. A meal one night and a ‘Funky Friday’ another night because one thing that hits home every time.

‘If I’m feeling like this then maybe other mums are too?’

If you are then maybe you need to carve out some me time too?

That’s the usual reply I get when I mention the girls are about to start preschool in September, it’s a joke of course as ALL mums know what they can do with their gift of ‘me’ time and I am no exception.

Let’s face it when little ones head off into the big wide world On Their Own a gap opens in your day. I will have three hours a day five days a week and I know right now that not one minute will go to waste.

ready for preschool

I also know right now before it’s even started that three hours are not enough to accomplish everything I want to do. I know I’ll be running up the road to get to pre-school for 12pm and not be a ‘bad‘ mother who is always late.

Don’t get me wrong, I won’t be late because I don’t want to be with my children but because I’ve tried to cram too much into my ‘me’ time and am using every last second available before I switch back into mummy mode and dedicate myself to Alice and Bessie.

It’s fun and I’m looking forward to it. I’m looking forward to the girls having a new life, something they can call their own to come home and talk about. I love that there will be teachers there patient enough to teach them how to use scissors, something I just can’t manage to teach them. Keyworkers who will get out paints, modelling clay and all other forms of mess that I am so reluctant to get out at home as I can’t do with the tidying up afterwards. And people who will see them being themselves away from me and hopefully report back that they are well behaved and nice little girls.

Alice can’t wait to have her own Best Friend, at the moment this coveted position has been awarded to her cousin Samuel but I feel with preschool, Samuel may be kicked off his pedestal as her options widen but thankfully I don’t think he’ll even realise what’s happened.

…and Bessie, who sucks her thumb and wants everyone to believe she’s a bruiser when underneath she’s just as frightened, if not more, than everybody else. It will be lovely to watch the girls transform this year ready to start Big School next September.