I started the new job last week, it’s brilliant and I am totally LOVING it, I’ll talk all about it in a separate post because I wanted to tell you about a song I’ve been humming along to in the car to and from work. I have embedded it above and if you click play you will most likely recognise it too. I like this song. It’s very catchy and has a good tune, it’s the lyrics that have been prompting me to write this post …

As the song is sang you quickly realise ‘your man’ is going to be locked up in jail pretty soon and he’s asking you to stay by his side. Now whilst I like the tune and I sing along, as he asks me the questions I find myself replying, ‘No.’ A lot.

It made me realise that the years have taught me and where, maybe as a starry eyed teenager, I may very well have replied, ‘Of course I’ll stay by your side, I will always love you. Don’t worry about everything we’ve lost, we can rebuild our lives.’ and all sorts of other naive nonsense.

This got me thinking about the twins and how they are smitten at the thought of finding their prince. It made me think of how innocent we can be. So Mum needs to put ’em right on a few things and what better opportunity than a pop song which they will remember?

lovehearts, street art dope

If I got locked away and we lost it all today

Tell me honestly would you still love me the same

Girls. If your man gets locked away and you lose everything you have, it means he hasn’t been honest with you. He has been doing things behind your back and putting your welfare at risk. This is not a man who will look out for you and it is the opposite of caring for you. A successful relationship is built on trust and friendship. If those two elements are missing move on, this man isn’t worth your time and I don’t care how good looking he is. There are BETTER fish in the sea.

If I showed you my flaws if I couldn’t be strong

Tell me honestly would you still love me the same

Being transparent with the one you love is also a vital ingredient to finding your soulmate. You and he will have to show your flaws. Don’t worry, nobody is perfect. We all have flaws but if his are petty crime or worse, that end him in jail or a courtroom then no, he’s not worth it. That is the truth and relationships demand 100% truth at all times.

Right about now

If I judge for life

Would you stay by my side

Or is ya going to say good-bye

LIFE??

Did he say he was being judged for life? Get your sweet ass out of there now and don’t ever look back. I don’t even want to know what he’s done but a life sentence is Bad.

Can you tell me right now

If I couldn’t buy you the fancy things in life

Shawty would it be alright

C’mon show me that you do

Earning money is what we do as adults. We go out to work in order to have the money to live and enjoy life, homes, holidays, evenings out and pretty things to wear. We are also bombarded by advertising, girls showing gorgeous designer gear that costs a month’s wages, sometimes more. It’s about being realistic and investing your money on the things that make you both happy. A relationship is all about give and take and trying to find a balance.

london street art love will tear us apart again

Now tell me would you really ride for me (would you really ride for me)

Baby tell me would you die for me (would you die for me)

DIE?? No, never. Your life is the most precious thing you have. Nobody should ever ask you to give it up for them.

Would you spend your whole life with me (wassup)

Would you be there to always hold me down (uh huh uh huh)

Tell me would you really cry for me (would you really cry for me)

Baby don’t lie to me (Baby don’t lie to me)

If I didn’t have anything (wassup)

I want to know would you stick around

If you are lucky enough to meet your soulmate first time round then you most likely will spend your life with them and it won’t be a hardship as you’ll be with the person you love most in the world. There will be moments that you will cry, that’s a huge part of love and you will see there is no need for lying, friends don’t lie to one another.

All I want is somebody real who don’t need much

You will find that there are some things you really do want out of life, one may be a future with children in it. If that is the case you will most likely want a place of your own. You may like the idea of an annual holiday, an occasional meal out in a fancy restaurant. You might like the idea of a family Christmas. I think it’s important to make sure both partners in a relationship are reading from the same page. If the above mentioned things are of no interest to your man then I can see problems ahead.

london street art tour this is not what you think it is

I gotta know that I can trust

To be here when money low

If I did not have nothing else to give but love

Would that even be enough

Yeah we need to know

 

Cuz I need a girl to hold me down for life

Would you still love me the same

‘Hold me down for life’ – You will find that if someone loves you as much as you love them, you will both happily stay together and enjoy every moment.

We have a lot of time ahead to talk through relationships and life but this song triggered these thoughts that I wanted to share with you both; basically girls, if he’s going to jail then let him go.

The official music video features three different scenes: a soldier leaving his family to return to service, a man and a woman fighting to make ends meet, and a father and daughter torn apart by her arrest. R. City did it this way because they wanted everybody to connect to the song’s message of perseverance through hardship.

autumn skyHave you ever done something that you later bitterly regretted? Have you thought to yourself ‘What was I thinking?’ ‘Why the hell did I do that?

Have you ever wished that if you could turn back time and eliminate that moment from your ‘timeline’ how wonderful everything would be now?

I have about one particular situation constantly, daily, weekly, monthly for over a year now and I have tried and tried and tried to put things straight but everytime I have tried I have dug myself, unwittingly, a deeper hole. I have been misunderstood and I will have to be so careful in what I write here but quite simply – I can’t take it anymore.

How do you know it’s time to give up?

Should you give up?

Can I turn my back now and walk away or will I forever have that feeling ‘You didn’t do enough’? ‘You could have tried one more time’

On the few occasions over the past year when I have tried to repair the damage and have been swept aside I have thought to myself ‘Well you tried, hold your head high and move on.’ but then that niggly feeling starts maybe the other person misunderstood what you were trying to say, maybe they too are suffering. Maybe, maybe and I fill in the blanks with all possible solutions that would account for this person’s reaction or non reaction in this particular case.

Where am I going wrong?

My last attempt at patching up was two months ago. I received an email in reply saying busy, busy times we’ll be in touch and I have waited and waited and waited. I know lives are busy, I’m in no hurry but two months and not a word kind of screams out to me, I’m not going to get a reply EVER.

Nothing.

I’m tired now. I made a mistake but I can’t carry this ball of lead around my neck any longer. It saddens me that I didn’t manage to make it right but I have tried. I can’t keep on any more and I hate giving up but sometimes maybe you just have to look a situation in the eye and close the book, put it away and move on.

Sometimes, maybe, in life we simply have to give the ‘garden’ a good weed. Feng shui of life by removing the bits that make you sad and drag you down into a spiral of depression.

Maybe this is one of life’s lessons? Learning when to let go, learning to distinguish closed forever chapters with ones that need more love and attention.

Life is hard to interpret isn’t it sometimes? How will I know if I’m doing the right thing? Can I walk away now?

What would you do?

I moved to Italy when I was 20 and left when I was 37 so I guess you could say I became an adult there. I am sure that many defining parts of my character where finely honed by the Italian culture and here are some of the best bits I brought back with me…

Italian Food

I learnt to cook! Not that I couldn’t cook before but I moved on from Learner to Cook. Mum is the best cook I know and my brother is a chef so the appreciation of good food runs in the family. However the Italians are very conscious of their food and adore telling you how their Mediterranean diet is the best in the world. I like that they use products that are in season and grown locally or at least Made in Italy

Italian Wine

Young people do not HAVE to get blindly drunk to enjoy a Friday night in Italy…sometimes it happens but it’s not a necessity. Enjoying good wine and spirits is a huge part of the Italian lifestyle. Alcohol costs a lot less and there are no age limits in bars but underage drinking exists on a much lower scale than here in the UK. Youngsters there don’t have to get trashed to prove they’re as big as the next guy or to be able to say they had a good night out.

Italian Art

Everywhere you go in Italy you cannot help but be in awe of your surroundings. Churches, town halls, villages with wall art and artists painting, sculpting or creating masterpieces in the village square for all to see. Every place in Italy, be it a tiny village or a city, has something beautiful to show.

Italian Fashion

Some of the greatest designers in the world are Made In Italy, every Italian is enormously proud of their standing in the world’s fashion stakes and this is so visible as everyone takes pride in what they wear and the majority look like models themselves. Makes it a damn sight harder to keep up with the Rossi’s I can tell you!

Italian Family

The Italians I had the pleasure to meet, all put family in first place. The elderly are looked after and respected by all. Italy is also VERY child friendly sometimes verging on the extreme as some parents let their children run riot in restaurants, shops and public places shrugging their shoulders as if they can’t do anything about it. ‘They’re children!’  Hell for waiters and shop owners but be rest assured any holiday in Italy with children will be delightful as you can take them everywhere you go and people will stop to praise them.

Con calma

or Take it easy… yes, there’s no rush, don’t go stressing yourself out, take your time and get it done properly. There’s always tomorrow.

Italian House rules

Whenever you wash your dishes by hand you MUST always rinse the soap off. True! You wouldn’t  dream of leaving shampoo in your hair. Money – don’t get in to debt. Pay as you go and go without if you can’t afford it. This makes for easy sleeping at night.

Italian Patriots

They all share a deep adoration for their country, after all they have got it all; sea, sun, sand, mountains, skiing, lakes, beautiful cities and beautiful people. Their summer vacations are taken within their boundaries, Sicily, Sardegna, Puglia to name a few. Ski trips to Trentino, Courmayeur or Alto Adige, Weekend trips to Florence, Venice, Pisa…I could go on forever.

The Italian language

Of course, I came away bilingual. My written Italian isn’t perfect as their grammar is unbelievably complicated but I can read and of course talk till the cows come home just don’t get me started on their politics….

photo by kerben

Freedom
It’s been a very busy time of year here in Mari’s World which of course is all very exciting and I do hope you like the products I have chosen to review for you but of course this has meant less chat from me, which maybe you were quite thankful of so sorry guys I’m about to break my silence and talk to you again.

Reason being I am constantly bumping into people, old friends and new, who are about to/going through/getting a divorce and my heart goes out to them knowing first hand how painful a road it can be, there’s always something deep inside me that wants to help these people in one way or another, even just by listening or just being there. I want to take away their pain. Which is impossible but doesn’t stop me wanting to make them feel better and it was when I was contemplating all of these emotions that come forth in such moments that I took a look at my own life and realised that I have finally completed the full circle and I can shout out to the world I. Am. Happy.

This is the message I want to pass on to people out there. That there will be a time you can smile again but you will have to go through a horrible phase first.

For me it all started back in 2003 when I discovered my then husband was having an affair, our relationship had been more unpredictable and volatile than Mount Etna but that didn’t prevent me from feeling tremendous shock, disbelief and pain when I found out. In fact earlier posts on my blog may seem quite hateful but maybe this was a self defence mechanism, I find I need to write thoughts on paper to get them out of my system, it was a way of clearing out the cupboards for me, airing the vaults of my mind and allowing myself to start afresh.

So the beginning of my circle was the finding out, the shock and initial pain, the second part was the picking myself up ALONE a terrifying prospect after having been a couple until then. I had to drag my self confidence from out of the deepest pits and force myself to start taking control of every aspect of my life. I thank my lovely Italian friends I had around me at the time who would pick me up and help me along my way, I don’t think I could have done it without them.

On to the third part of my circle, I was coping and deciding for ME. What I wanted to do, where I wanted to go and what I wanted to watch on TV. This part is is deeply healing. I realised in this part of my circle that I was worth it, I was a decent human being and I did have a right to have a happy life. This was also the part of my circle that I was quite bitter. I looked back with anger in my heart and it clouded my vision to a certain extent. I used writing to free myself of the hatred, the bitterness and the upset and it was cleansing. By getting all those nasty thoughts out I was liberated from them and able to move on. This third part of my circle is the part where I met my partner, we started a new family, my divorce was finalised and I could move on and away from it all. I still have very strong bonds with my older children and am in touch as often as life will permit, I’m lucky in the respect they both have their own partners and families and lives to live.

And now? I have come full circle, I have completed the fourth stage and can stand here in front of you hand on heart and say, I have no hate in my heart and it really is all behind me. Now I don’t feel I have to declare this to anyone but my happiness of realising that there is a point where it’s all over is so great I want to share it.

If you are going through a  tough time I need you to know it will get better and one day it will be over and maybe just that glimmer of hope will help you through the bleak moments.

I suppose my greatest test will be if I ever bump into my ex again and as we live in two different countries it won’t be a regular occurrence but right now I feel as if I could put my hand out to shake his, our past behind us and forgotten and I can move on to the next chapter.

I was asked to think of a personal motto and the first thing that came to mind was ‘What will be will be’ but it wasn’t 100% what I was looking for. I do believe in a certain amount of fate in life and although my concept of ‘Why are we here?’ isn’t entirely clear to me yet, I get the feeling that we’re here to learn and in learning we improve ourselves, become better people and (here’s the freaky bit) we elevate to a higher plane.

All very complicated stuff.

I was born into the Catholic religion. My paternal grandparents immigrated from Skibberean in the south of Ireland but dad was not the practising kind however I went to the local catholic school and therefore I went to the local St John’s R.C Catholic church mainly for three reasons..

  1. I liked to sing in Mrs Squires choir
  2. My Irish grandmother (Mary!) insisted I went to save my soul and to book my place in Heaven. She would check up on my attendance regularly.
  3. If I didn’t go I was asked to stand in front of the class on Monday and explain why to them.

Needless to say, I wasn’t the best attendee as I started to grow and rebel against rules and regulations and as I moved through life, I moved away from the Catholic religion. I checked out the church of England via the Girl Guides group. I read about Muslims, Hindus, and Sikhs as there were many in our local community and it was a interesting part of our religious education curriculum.

It was when I left school and started to make my own life that I searched for an answer. I read the Tao of Love and Sex a Chinese philosophy stating the male should avoid orgasm during sexual intercourse in order to prolong his life. It was fun trying but I moved on. I read about Buddha and learnt a little about karma, it made sense to me. ‘Lessons I hadn’t completed last time round had to be done again’, just like school. You want the GCSE? Study for it! If not retake. Simple.

I read about Carlos Castaneda in Mexico and his experiences of spirituality, I read about the American Indians and their philosophy on life. Paramahansa Yogananda shared his take on it all and I picked up Isabelle Allende’s House of the Spirits and Paolo Coelho’s book called The Alchemist.

Slowly all this literature bingeing was forcing me to think and organise my ideas. Clear out the rubbish.

I read the Celestine Prophecy, and ‘They Called Me Two Hearts’ (which as hard as I have tried I cannot find on Amazon but it is a fascinating tale of a female journalist who is ‘invited and then kidnapped’ by an aboriginal group. Her book is her experience as she lives with them for months and learns their meaning of life.) The more books I read the more I observed that all over the world people were talking about Spirit.

This is what I have come up with so far and I’m happily open for discussion on it, We are born into a family, and a certain economical level with a previously written list of things to accomplish during our stay here on Earth. We have the right in every moment to fulfill them or choose to not do so. The challenges we have pre set ourselves will be presented on our life journey at the right time and in order to get to them and be in the frame of mind of passing them we have to be ready and that is why many a time things don’t go our way, or we have to wait for things to fall into place before we can advance. As only when these things have all fallen into place can we progress and move on.

A quick example from my life? When Megan was 2, I was ready to fall pregnant again. I yearned with all my heart to have another child and would try every trick in the book to fall pregnant but it never worked. My ex was adamant there would be no more children. I couldn’t understand it but got on with it. Fast forward 15 odd years and I met Paul who didn’t have children but wanted them.

It took time, patience and heartbreak when we lost a little girl at 21 weeks for no apparent medical reason but we got there and were blessed with twin girls in 2008.

Although the why’s may not be clear to us at the time, I believe as we journey on it will become clear and our answers will be found. Everything happens for a reason.

 The beautiful photo

This post was written for Josie’s writing workshop.

I chose prompt 1. What’s your personal motto?Writing workshop

You may also like The Wreck of the Hesperus and Fear of the Unknown