Michelle from Mummy from the Heart set about asking us what Big 5 lessons do we want to pass on to our children and it made me sit and think. After all we spend our lives teaching them, how to walk, talk, run, swim, and behave but what do I really want the twins to focus on as they grow older and hit teendom and beyond?
I took my time and focused on my big mistakes as, like most parents, I want them to avoid messing up like I did. Here are my life lessons Alice and Bessie (and for Tommy and Megan if you still need a gentle reminder now and then)
1. You are beautiful. You are enough.
If I look back to my younger days I was desperately trying to be like ‘everyone else’. The magazines I read, the adverts I watched all told me I should have a big bust, I should be skinny, my nose should be just so, I should laugh like this and act like that. This would make me the perfect person that everyone loved and admired. All along I should have listened to my dad who always used to tell me ‘You’re beautiful. You are enough just as you are.’
He was right, I wasted so much time trying to be someone I wasn’t, it took me a lifetime to understand that the image sold to us by the media doesn’t exist. What does count is that you are happy and surrounded by people who love you. Accept you for what you are and you will climb mountains.
2. Be yourself, like yourself.
This one kind of carries on from the above but I am referring to character. I have lived through so many excruciating moments convinced nobody liked me that I wasn’t worthy of anyone’s friendship, that everyone thought me, stupid, silly, a show off, bossy boots, a horrible person that no one wanted to waste their time on. Because of this highly critical way of looking at myself I have managed to bust up good friendships, I’ve managed to wreck a marriage (my own – not anyone else’s!) If only I had had more faith in myself from the start, if only I had accepted me for what I am, maybe I wouldn’t have made those mistakes?
I guess we’re never going to be liked by EVERYONE but those that do accept us, don’t go analysing every word they say looking for an excuse to put yourself down. Accept their friendship and accept that you are you.
3. Have courage and be kind
This one is taken from the Cinderella film we have been to see recently, Cinderella’s mum tells her to have courage and to always be kind and that advice serves her really well. Now I doubt you’ll be marrying princes but I have a theory that whatever you do in this life comes back at you sooner or later so if you are always kind then you should receive lots of kindness in return.
As for courage there will be lots of moments in your life that you need to hold your breath and take a step forward not knowing what the outcome will be. I say if you have thought about it, go for it otherwise you will never know. You only have one life and I want you to make the most of it in the best possible way. Have courage my lovely girls (and boy).
4. Listen to your heart
I’m a great believer in intuition and listening to your heart. If it doesn’t feel right STOP right there and don’t do it. Your heart will always be true to you, learn to listen to your bones, your stomach, your feelings and you will hear the right tune. Sometimes it might not be what you want to hear but the lesson will be the truth. Learn from it.
5. Don’t mess with other people’s feelings
Maybe another way of saying treat others as you wish to be treated. This is so important as you can’t go through life upsetting people, you have to take responsibility for your actions, think before you speak. Trust me when I say that sometimes it is best not to speak your mind, sometimes it is best to keep your thoughts to yourself. Sometimes people don’t want to hear it so don’t be the one to upset them. If someone is upsetting you, walk away and stay right away. Don’t get involved and you won’t get hurt. And when the time comes that someone falls in love with you, if you don’t love them back be kind, be gentle, it’s someone’s heart you’re dealing with.