CD17
Still don’t know when to count DPO1 by the way.
Bd last night and today but am coming down with the flu aaahhh. All I want to do is sleep and tomorrow I have to work.
TBH all this bd’ing has made me a little sore so now it’s uncomfortable. Will be glad to have a few days off! and reckon so will dp… now I NEVER thought I’d say that.
We have already talked about the fact that should I be pregnant we will have a bd ban probably all the way through which may be tough. We can use other methods but I think it will be difficult anyway. Also even if the doc gives us the go ahead I really don’t think I would as I woulod be too scared.
mari

I got my smiley!!!!
At 6am this morning and that was after taking my temp which had shot up to 36.1 – what a brilliant start to the day!
We did bd last night adn first attempt was unsuccessful. We are now ‘programmed’ into ‘doning it’ and it’s taken something important out of our bding :-( I also find I am a lot ‘wetter’ around ov whihc doesn’t help matters.
Anyway we gave it another bash just before turning the lights out and were successful. DP told me he dioes feel pressured a little – not from me but fomr the fact that we have our window and the deed needs doing.
anyway, hopefully if the egg should come today there are somw swimmers already around.
We do want to bd again tonight, dp won’t be taking any drugs for his bad flu (dead tired last night and probs at work!) and is limiting himself to 2 pints at lunch. For anyone who knows my dp this is an enormous step as he’s usuaully the 10 pint Friday man. NOt any more….
Am on quite a high today just praying that we catch her.
fingers crossed everyone – here’s a lovely piccy of conception I found for my blog and will add here…

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CD15 today
Well still no + smiley signs on the OPK, am nearly through the box and if no sign tomorrow then will have to go and get another box.
I really must stop getting so worked up, I fell pregnant naturally without all this fuss back in March but now it just seems as if it’s such a distant goal.
DP asked to go out for drinks after work with his mates tonight and I asked him not to as these are our ‘days’. I know he doesn’t mind but I shall feel silly if it doesn’t happen this month.
I remember last month being in Italy and dreaming that I was ovulating so really don’t want to miss our chance this month.
Am beginning to question everything from CM (is that ewcm?) to temps (haven’t a clue what I’m doing here) and niggly pains which I don’t have today anyway.
I have seen somewhere that not all women can pick up their ov with the kits and I’m hoping that is my case.
Got very sad last night on coach thinking of my two in sunny Messico. I notice I’m also silently praying a lot repeatedly saying ‘Please’ – this can’t be good.
In fact, even when bding last night I was concetrating more on catching the egg that leting myself go and enjoying myself. I really must stop this and just go back to normal realed me mode.
At least should AF arrive this cycle, I’ll be in Italy with the kids and my old friends. Here’s a photo of my god daughter Alice and her sister Linda in Italy, duaghters of my very good friend Cinzia – the sweetest person on the earth – not a bad bone in her body.

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CD14
No bd last night as DP feeling very under the weather, poor thing. We were in bed by 10.15 which is fine by me as I love a good catch up every now and then.
Still no + OPK, maybe tomorrow or the day after. Am beginning to worry that maybe I don’t ov after all but then how did I get pg back in March?
Had a funny dull pain to left side of abdomen coming into work on the coach this morning – hopefully a sign of ov. Last month I was in Italy and had a dream.
The inside of both thighs from top to knee had like big scabby spots which were quite high, one on my right leg exploded and a lot of juice came out. I took this to be a sign of ov but no BFP at end of cycle. I had also dreamt of full healthy ovaries a couple of days before. So we’ll see.
CM is creamy, temp this morning 35.9 – chartered on ff who has given me a green light at last.
Fingers crossed. I must admit I’ve had a look at an August due group already which is a littl ehasty but couldn’t resist!
Photo of me and my niece Rosie 7 and nephew Billy 3.

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Today I am going to tell the story of my last pregnancy which ended in mc on July 17th 2006 when I was 21+6. I’m doing this for me as I need to get it all out and ‘on paper’ so I can hopefully move on with my current ttc mission. I delivered the baby at home and some passages may be quite shocking to some. Please don’t read it if you are easily shocked.

We were lucky, after coming off the pill in Sept 05 without completing that course, we started to try from Nov and in March 2006 whilst on a skiing holiday!!! I got my BFP when I was about 4/5 days late.
The first few months I was exhausted and had terrible nausea which lasted all day but other than that all was fine.
Just when I thought I was out of the mc zone my cm started to change, it went from white to yellow, so I went to see my midwife. As I had no itching and it wasn’t smelly (sorry tmi) she told me not to worry.
Week 14 and it started to include a brown streak which later was red spotting. They took me for a scan and the baby’s heart was beating and her growth was perfect. They identified a bleed behind the placenta and told me to not worry.
So I tried not to, I still went to work but on June 5th (15 weeks) just as ‘ER’ was coming to the end of the closing episode for last season, I ran into the bathroom and passed a blood clot as large as the palm of my hand. I had read somewhere that we needed to take this to the doc so my poor DP fished it out of the loo and we put it in a tupperware and left for A&E.
They visited me and warned me I was having a threatened miscarriage, they listened to the heart beat which was healthy and heard the placenta functioning well. I was kept in for a few days, the clots passed less and less and the next day during the scan they saw all was fine, baby was growing and heart beat was good.
My doc signed me off from work for 2 weeks and I was hoping I’d still be able to get back.
I didn’t, I spent the next 6 weeks at home. The bleeding never stopped and the cons said to not worry – some women bleed all the way through I was told. You must be one of those women.
I was never convinced, I had had two pregnancies even though going back a fair bit (18 yrs + 16) but all was fine with no bleeding.
I started to feel the baby move inside me and this gave me hope that maybe they were right, maybe this was how I carried now.
It was around the 14th July that I didn’t feel any movement and on my pad I saw a green stain (I knew from my previous pgs that babies first pooh is green)deep down I ‘knew’ but I didn’t want to believe myself.
Sat 15th I went to Sainsbury’s to do the shopping. I could feel something at the top of my vagina and thought it was another clot about to pass. I kept on going to the loo to check but nothing?
That night we were to have dinner with friends in a pub right out in the sticks. DP and I had decided to stay over the night and we were looking forward to it. We had a great evening and I had a thimble of wine which was my pg allowance I remember thinking it wasn’t so bad tasting as usual!
I woke the next morning and went to the loo, I could feel something in my vagina, and thinking it was a clot I tugged at it, but it wouldn’t come loose. On having a bath I saw it was brown coloured so again thought it was a clot.
We went to the beach like every Sunday and on each trip to the loo I had a tug but to no satisfaction. I felt a lot better and even started talking to my SIL’s about nappies, prams and so on. On one loo visit, I saw something and thought to myself – that must be the umbilical cord? – but then quickly dismissed the idea.
I went home and went to bed quite early with some contractions but fell asleep so didn’t really worry. I remember waking at one point and I had been lying on my tummy, something I hadn’t done for a long while. But thought it must have been a dream.
In the morning, dp got up as usual to go to work, as he left the house I went to the loo and on wiping I saw a perfect little foot hanging out of me.
I went as quickly as poss to the bedroom and called dp on my mobile. ‘Can you come back? I’m losing the baby’
Thank God he hadn’t yet got on the London Coach. He came back and on looking saw it was the baby.
By then there were two feet. I could feel the baby slipping out and went to stand in the bath with my pad to catch her on a pad as I was expecting lots of blood.
DP got me a box and I put her in there rather unceremoniously, I dropped her in like she was a horrible animal I didn’t want to touch. I think I was in shock as I was very practical and not at all emotional. DP had to cut the umbilical cord as the placenta wasn’t coming.
He called the delivery ward and we made our way over to the hospital.
I gave them my box, they gave me an injection, put a drip on my hand and I had to wait for the mc to complete.
They took photos of the baby but on looking at them her little face was purple and the size of the head was enormous as babies grow into their heads. I didn’t like the photo but dp was wiser and kept it all.
We were then asked names and funeral arrangements – all things I wasn’t anticipating and had great trouble talking about and deciding.
My grief has been constant and I thhink my desire to get pg immediately comes from this.
My due date is coming up soon 28 nov adn maybe when this date has passed it might be a little bit better.
I hope my story didn’t upset you too much. It does me and I’m close to tears so I shall go now and we’ll cathc up agian very soon.
Thank you for listening, mari xx
Photo of me on my 40th 3 months pg with my princess Megan

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