Damn,
I have this awful feeling AF is on her way, thanks to some brown spots in CM when wiping last loo visit. No point kidding myself any longer this month.
won’t even bother testing as complete waste of money.
Feeliong very down about the whole thing (as I knew I would) and when I am like this I feel as if the goal posts have been moved back a whole lot further.
I might be wrong. who knows?

12 DPO CD 28
BUT FF says I should be DPO 13!!! Now that changes things a bit doesn’t it.
How am I feeling?
Well, at mo’ I’m fine, no nausea, no sore boobs, no metallic taste but yesterday I did feel as if my uterus was an iron ball. It felt tight and I thought ahhh she’s on her way again. whilst ironing last night I did feel damp all of a sudden and expecting the worse rushed to the loo, but it wasn’t.
Boobs seem just a little bit bigger then usual adn belly is big but that’s the norm for me pre AF.
TMI alert – Usually the days preceeding AF I don’t pooh, it happens on CD 1 (lovely) well I just had a lovely big pooh girls (I did warn you TMI before hand)which is out of the norm for me adn makes me hopeful.
Shall I or Shan’t I test thread. 5 girls said yes, 1 said no 11 wished good luck and didn’t express a view.
I’ve told everyone I’m not testing till Friday then sound quite a VIP as I’m dashing to Stansted to fly to Italy to see my kids on a 11 am flight.
Have promised to post from the airport as know there are some PC’s there. Note to self – jot down password and username in diary
Last month 2 days before AF had a EWCM with a light brown tinge to it, day after CM was orangey pinky in colour. Today so far so good
Sneeky peek at book again this morning says – Transformation from a Blastocyst to an embryo shaped like a tear drop aaahhhh.

11DPO CD 27
Every twinge tweak or movement leads me to think AF is on her way. Of course my legs and back are killing me after our mega hike around Bewl Water on Sunday which doesn’t help as I don’t know if the back pain is from that or oncoming AF!!!
Dead tired last night, fell asleep on DP watching Jungle. Before I dropped off I laughed at David Gest snoring so loud then woke myself up a bit later snoring (I must have been lying on DP in a funny position of course!)
He’s very keyed in to me at mo’ asking for all symptoms, feelings and pointing out that my belly is big (wish he wouldn’t do that) Makes me worry because he’ll be so disappointed if AF arrives.
Have big positive moments when I think ‘Of course you’re pg’ and then others when I think it’ll never happen again. Grrrr!
Sneekily read in my book that on DPO 11, egg is completely implanted and has divided into 2 cavities, one will become embryo the other his digestive track. There is already a spinal cord, the start of an umbilical cord and placenta. Amazing. fingers crossed xx
Wow K is already 9 weeks – amazing how time flies. Can’t wait to see the photos later hun!

10DPO CD 26
Of course, by now I have managed to convince myself totally that I am pg and am desperately trying to stop myself but don’t stand a chance – I can be so convincing. No symptoms though – just pure thought. Hve felt a few twinges down there and does feel like I have an iron ball indside me. Have been visualising the egg resting on my cushion (mentioned earlier on in the month) and then burrowing into my uterus. Wonder if it’ll work???
DP did think my boobs were bigger over the weekend but I don’t think so.
I just seem to believe this is my month. I always imagined K and I would have our bumps tog, I could ‘see’ myself on the beach next summer, when I mc’d I ‘knew’ I’d get pg soon.
Yeah – I know it’s not a lot to go on so check this out..
Have been awake since 1.30 this morning thanks to a really bad and vivid dream, I saw my DD with her wrists slit, (she’s 16) blood everywhere and I managed to save her just in time. As you can imagine I was shocked and very disturbed and couldn’t get back to sleep.
I keep going over the dream – is it AF on her way (blood) am I just missing my DD and want her here with me (yes, but that’s a constant so why the dream?)I keep telling myself -at least I saved her but I just feel really shaken by the whole thing and can’t wait to get there on Friday to hold her and love her.
I have had dreams in the past which have come true – many and that’s what was scaring me last night, every time I closed my eyes I got the same image and just couldn’t sleep. I am going to be so rubbish at work today.
They do say vivid dreams are part of PG so you just never know.
Weekend was good, I am very proud to say that I walked around Bewl Water Reservoir with DP yesterday (13 miles) it took us 4 hours and my legs and back are killing me. There really isn’t a lot of water in there and it’s quite frightening. I think we should all do a little rain dance!
May have already added this photo of DD and me but today I need to more than ever.
xx

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I haven’t been around for a few days as I’ve been tied up with the WTM – a big travel fair held in the Docklands. I work for the Italian Tourist Board and this is our most important fair all year. It went well and I’m totally exhausted. Just going through emails today and lying very low…
I have received my Christmas Card list from T4AB and so will be off to buy some cards at lunch and get that sorted out. If I don’t I will forget.
My office is just behind Oxford Circus and I can see Regent Street from my window, I’m looking forward to seeing the xmas lights this evening and will post a photo next week. Hamley’s looks fab and will have a look on one lunch break.
I really should be going to the gym at lunch though. I was brilliant all summer trying to lose the baby weight before starting all over again and then with last month’s ttc I stopped. I was scared it might bring on AF which came anyway! So I really should get back to that, reason being – the Italian lads who work on our WTM stand I see once a year and they’re all lovely guys, one looked over at me on Tuesday and motioning with his hand around the womb area asked me if I was pg. Now I am still a bit chunky around there and he was mortified when my colleague overhearing told him of my loss, he said his girlfriend had also suffered the same earlier this year.
I was happy as I am in the 2ww and have my fingers crossed (could it be an omen???) and sad as I really must get my backside into gear so I can wear something nice at the Crimbo parties.
What a tug of war eh?
SS is turning up nothing which is quite depressing. No sore (.)(.) CM is creamy and diminishing. I have felt the womb area ‘tighten’ a bit but that could be me. Oh and a couple of days ago I felt an uncomfortable pin pricking sensation inside which continued and I had to poke my finger in the area to relieve myself. It flashed through my mind that it might be implantation but think it was too early. It happened on 2 occasions and was more to the right side.
Photo is of DP qwhen I had my BFP back in March, I so hope to make him happy again with another BFP very soon. He would be over the moon xx

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