I can’t believe you’ve been gone for 6 years. Where has all that time gone and no, time doesn’t make the loss any better. I miss you more now than ever and want to share so much with you.
As I write my third grandchild will soon be with us, Sophie. Tommy and Oana’s second child. I hate that I live so far away and can’t be there for them in the earliest days when everything is a bit manic. They are an excellent team and luckily Oana has a lot of family around her but I miss being there. I’ve thought about this a lot dad and I realise it’s just something I will have to put up with.
I remember when you were here dad, you were so easy to talk to, I could bounce off all my worries and fears on you and you’d talk them through with me and make me view them in a positive light. I miss that dad. I’ve been down in the dumps for a long time now and my self esteem has bottomed out but I can’t talk about it to anyone as when I look closely from the outside I am so lucky, I’ve got four great kids, a wonderful husband, a loving family and I’ve created a job for myself. I’m not sure if it’s hormones and the oncoming menopause that make my emotions run so high and sink so low or if there’s something else that’s causing this anxiety.
Whatever it is dad I just have to keep plodding on and hoping it will go away one day.
The twins are the sunshine that brightens my day. They are really good girls dad, so easy to look after. They’re obedient, they’re funny, they’re lively and they’re loving. They adore school and have settled well into Year One with their new teacher. Both Paul and I are amazed at their reading and very proud of how well they are writing these days, so much easier than Tommy! He hated school from the word go, can you remember? Well he did well for himself dad, you’d be proud of him even if he does support Chelsea. He’s running the hotel kitchen now and got loads of compliments this summer for doing an excellent job too. He’s a very conscientious worker and puts in 1000% all the time. He adores his family and I wish him only the best in life.
My Megz is my Megz, she’s coming over soon for 10 days with Gracey and I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to having her here and all to myself for a while. I know she’s my daughter dad and I may be biased but she’s beautiful. I look at her photos and see this gorgeous young woman who’s heart is filled with laughter and love for her child. She dreamt about you a while back when she was sad and I know you visited her and helped her out. I wish I could find you again in a dream, I’d go to bed early just to make sure I had more time to be with you.
We went to Normandy this summer dad. We visited a beautiful little church on the hilltop overlooking the water. I entered and lit a couple of candles for my ‘dead souls’ just like I used to do with Nana in St Patricks as a child, remember? I hope that thought does reach you guys. I’m not often in church these days but I do continue to light candles.
I’d like to tell you more dad but I can’t here, what I can tell you is I miss you. That I think of you often and I carry your smile in my heart. I remember your bear hugs and I remember your tickle fights and I wish you were still here with me.
But I know you’re happy where you are, you’re at peace and that’s one thing you desperately needed.
Take care dad, I love you