Many moons ago I wrote for an online publication. I was in charge of the sex and relationships column and it was my first writing ‘job’ albeit unpaid but it was a start and one I was excited to have a go at. Yes, I know I’m not exactly a sex kitten but hey that was the role available and I wanted to write.
Not surprisingly the job didn’t last long but one comment on a post that stuck with me to this day was, ‘What does she know about relationships? She’s divorced!’
The ‘she’ refers to me and yes my first marriage ended in great heartbreak which changed the course of my life and taught me an enormous life lesson but most of all it instilled fear in my heart. Can marriage really be Happy Ever After?
You only have to listen to the news, read a newspaper or watch our soap operas to understand that separation is rife in our society, divorce is on the up still and there is a lot of heartbreak out there, people who like me, got it wrong.
Now with 9th March looming in the distance more frequently I find myself focusing on the vows and the commitment of marriage. In this day and age a couple doesn’t have to get married, they do so out of choice because they want to commit to each other, make a promise to be together in sickness and in health, for better for worse, in richness and in poorness. An unbreakable promise.
The first time I married I was 23 and already mother to a gorgeous 18 month old baby boy. My head was full of dreams as only a 23 year old can be; eternal love, happy families and forever were the three main elements and I ran into the marriage full of enthusiasm and the belief ‘I can make this work’.
I soon discovered it wasn’t all roses and a ring on my finger didn’t necessarily mean he thought the same way as I did. But that’s all history and I’m not here to talk about the ex. I need to tackle the fear that’s here and now.
What if I’m making a mistake all over again?
Ridiculous thought I know but it’s there and cannot be ignored.
I have a completely different relationship with the Mister, one built on a solid base and one ruled by openness and communication. We have worked as a team since we got together and for the most part we have the same outlook on life and the same ideas of how to live. So why the fear?
It’s because I’m taking my vows so seriously, because this time I want to get it right because I have made mistakes that I wish to learn from and I really do want to live the ‘Happy Ever After’ dream.
On my journeys around internet I came across a post written by a man who is divorced twice and attending his sister’s wedding. His sister asks her closest family members to give her one piece of advice to help make her marriage work, when she gets to him he made a lame joke about divorce which didn’t get the laughs he was hoping for. Later on, digging a little deeper he came up with this beauty 16 ways I blew my marriage. His post makes me smile and yet at the same time touches deep.
I’m convinced that all relationships at some point suffer a wobble; this isn’t paradise – this is earth and we’re here to learn. Reading his post reminded me of the important parts of being a couple, the bits we tend to forget when we’re struggling to pay the mortgage or tame an unruly toddler. I’m linking to it so every now and again I can come back here and remind myself what it’s all about.
Did you have fears on the run up to your wedding?