It’s all about me and me time

Sometimes it’s just good to get stuff ‘off your chest’ wouldn’t you agree? And for a while now I’ve been feeling a bit out of sorts with myself. I’m carrying on, plodding by and getting all my work done but something isn’t quite right.

I have forgotten some family birthdays these past few months, something I have never done before priding myself on being on time on all occasions. I’ve forgotten thank you cards to thank people for thinking of me. I have a needlework piece I’m very proud of sitting around waiting to be sewn up since the beginning of the year – look here’s proof

emily peacock cushion almost compeleted

29/01/2012 – almost there

It’s finished and just needs sewing into a cushion but I never get round to it.

I have some friends who I haven’t caught up with in far too long. I have two gorgeous little girls who I should be playing with more and talking to to more.

I have projects I’d like to start but can’t seem to find the time, books to read; I must be the only female world over whose copy of 50 Shades is lying covered in dust abandoned after 6/7 chapters!

So when I saw Mum’s and me request for Me Time posts I knew it was a sign for me to get myself out there a bit more. Interact with ‘real’ people and find some time for me.

I look at my unshaven legs, my un-filed nails and my toe nails that need cutting and I realise I have neglected myself for far too long and this is no good. I need to cut back on the time spent on the pc and start using my time in a better way.

So yesterday, after cancelling for two weeks on the trot, thanks to sick children, I finally caught up with my lovely twin mums for a coffee in the posh John Lewis cafe at Bluewater. To think only a couple of years ago we used to meet every week on a Wednesday at Twin’s club come rain or shine a real lifesaver for all of us. Even last year we managed coffee mornings whilst the children were at preschool but since the girl’s birthday  in July it’s gone hopelessly downhill. I haven’t managed to make any of the organised night’s out, I missed out the twin club picnic and many other twin club trips simply because they clashed with other arrangements we had.

I started to feel bad and that leads to my usual paranoia setting in – ‘I hope they don’t think I’m trying to avoid them’

I’m not right at the moment, I’m not thinking straight. The fact I have lost a friend recently after trying hard to make up has hit me hard and sent me into a sadness that is proving hard to kick. I worry about my other half as this loss has caused a rift with all of his friends. Friends he’s had since childhood and I’m finding that an enormous responsibility to carry on my shoulders. I wanted to say to these people, ‘I don’t care if you don’t like me or never will but please don’t do that to him.’ But they did and although Other Half smiles brightly and shrugs his shoulders I can’t get past it.

I realise at 46 this ‘feeling‘ could be hormonally emphasised too. We go through the whole rigmarole of hormones in our teens turning us into blue eyed monsters and they’re back to plague us later on. Is this insecurity, lack of confidence and paranoia connected to an oncoming menopause I have yet to acknowledge?

It’s hard isn’t it being a woman? Fitting all these different parts of life into one big whole and managing them so our families are happy and are houses are safe havens.

This was supposed to be a post about me time but maybe just dedicating space to throw my thoughts down on paper is me time for me?

After all I did have another coffee this morning with some lovely school mums. New, caring people in my life that it’s a pleasure to be with, we have a couple of Christmas party nights in the calendar where we are spreading the word and inviting lots of other mums to join in. A meal one night and a ‘Funky Friday’ another night because one thing that hits home every time.

‘If I’m feeling like this then maybe other mums are too?’

If you are then maybe you need to carve out some me time too?

31 Comments

  1. Sending hugs to you Marianne. I think a lot of mums probably feel a bit lost at the moment. Kids have started school and we’re left on our own. I too spend way too much time on the computer and feel guilty for not spending enough time with the girls. Think we’re all guilty of that!! Was lovely to see you on Monday. Will do it again soon x x x

    Reply
    • Thanks for the hugs and I think you’re right, we all worry too much and close in rather than get out there. thanks for organising Monday I can’t tell you how happy I was after xxx

      Reply
  2. That’s sounds very familiar, although I have gone through early menopause 2 yrs ago at 39, but yes Birthdays has gone adrift , reminding the kids of thank you notes. Now all dates on set in my phone on the family calendar and a diary too. Oh and lots of post it notes on the fridge and on the PC. Glad to know there are many mums in the same situation. October has been the month of change to get back out there. Appointments made and gaining me time again. But for now I need to find my glasses…

    Reply
    • Ha! I lost my glasses over the summer for two weeks and found them in a beach bag! Have you looked there? Thanks for the comment, there’s hardly any info out there on what to expect with the menopause, my mum had hers at 40 so I suppose I’ve been waiting not knowing what to look for but I guess my rage, tears and insatiably hunger are pretty good signs that I could be starting?

      Reply
  3. Hugs Mari, you have been having a difficult few weeks. Enjoy your “Me” time… you sound like you completely deserve it! xx

    Reply
    • Thank you BS, your comments always make me smile. I am enjoying this me time and carving more and more space out. Today I left two forums on Facebook and my world didn’t crash around me!?! Thanks for your support xx

      Reply
  4. I’m right there with you lovely which you know which is why I did what I did. Life is more important. Mwah xx

    K

    Reply
    • Mwah straight back, luckily our weekly hangouts are very much looked forward to in this house, they’ve been a point of reference to me xx

      Reply
  5. Hi Mari, Thanks for linking your post with Mums and Me -Me Time Monday link up.

    Reply
  6. life sometimes just gets in way, always find a few hour a week for yourself get your nails ect..

    Reply
    • You’re right, I’m going to make it my mantra! And you’ll be pleased to know I filed my nails whilst the girls were playing in the bath earlier ;) #multitasking

      Reply
  7. Hey, great article it’s something that many women can relate to! Life’s full of ups and downs, and being a mum with kids has its stress too! You are a beautiful and great woman and think of all the things you are truly blessed with! :) Why don’t you try take one day off and dedicate to yourself, you could ask someone to babysit the kids, and do all your errands, nails, hair, and just pamper yourself! What do you think? :)

    Reply
    • I would love to do that, luckily the children are now at school so I do get that time, before this post I was using it all on the computer but now I’ve started to get out of the house and meet real people and it’s so much better. Now I need to keep it up

      Reply
      • That’s awesome, we bet you feel better about yourself now! Keep it up! :)

        Reply
  8. Ah Mari, I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. But I’m pleased you’ve recognised it and are taking steps to put yourself first a bit. It’s so hard trying to juggle everything all the time and I think there are times when you have to accept one or more of the balls will inevitably fall on the floor. Well done for getting this out and being so honest – and thank you so much for linking up with Me Time Monday at Mums and Me. I’m feeling really inspired by the posts I’m reading this week! xx

    Reply
    • Thanks for popping by Molly. I’m really pleased your post nudged me to get my backside into gear and recognise where I needed to change. I needed it and I’m making a promise to keep it up, so watch out for more posts xx

      Reply
  9. Hey only just read this, shame as we only briefly touched on these subjects today …. never enough time and always so much catching up to do. The menopause/peri menopause stinks! And if you ever need to talk to someone not in your day to day circle you know where I am. The friends/ partner loyalty thing is complicated, we all have our own stories ( mine is just startling come right again after 10 years) so don’t beat yourself up. Lots of love xx

    Reply
    • It was great to see you again Nic, I felt totally recharged afterwards and I might go back for that dress we saw. There’s not a lot of info out there on the menopause and not everyone is happy to talk about it either. I know where to find you and thanks xx

      Reply
  10. I honestly don’t think I’ve had any proper ‘me time’ since having kids, which might explain why I took up blogging. It does sometimes get to me especially when so many people seem to have grannys etc to give them time off and a break. Your school mums nights sound good though, so enjoy, and sounds like you have a really nice inclusive attitiude, which is often missing in the playground I think. x

    Reply
    • You just know we’re going to miss someone out and it certainly won’t be on purpose that’s for sure! but we’re trying to include as many as we can as there’s nothing worse than feeling on the outside of a clicky group. Children are the best thing ever but they do bring with them massive changes that take time getting used to. Thanks for your comment x

      Reply
  11. What a lovely, honest post, and so true! It’s easy to lose our way with so much going on and forget our priorities. Sounds like things might just be starting to pick up for you!

    Reply
  12. Such an important post both for you and for others too. With the friend you lost issue, time may heal, you never know. On the menopause issue, I heard Lisa Maxwell talking about a condition that makes us a little insane and I can’t remember the name possibly Pre Menopause Syndrome or summat like that anyway. Worth a google perhaps.
    This feels like a from the heart post and those are the ones that really matter.
    Keep the faith my dear. All will be well and thank you for providing support to me when you have so much on yourself. Memories of your face and Penny’s sustain me every week, warm and wise women.

    Reply
    • The peri menopause, yes I’ve been looking into it and I think I’m going to buy a book on it this week to be a little bit more informed and try to clam my temper!
      Big hugs to you Kate as always

      Reply
  13. I never have any ‘me’ time…I think I need to work on that. I’m glad you found a way to feel better. x

    Reply
    • You must work on it, I think it’s essential to every woman’s well being, see it like filling the car with petrol

      Reply
  14. I know exactly how you feel. I am typing this with overgrown fingernails I just haven’t had time to file and I really must clean the bathrooms today and not leave it until manana. Its my birthday this week and my MIL has given me money which I HAVE To spend on me so instead of getting myself a hairdryer, I think I might book in for a manicure instead :)

    Reply
    • Sounds like a very good plan because not only will you get your nails done you will have some valuable me time too and recharge those batteries. Tip….get the bathroom done first before the mani ;)

      Reply
  15. I’m hopeless at ‘me’ time – often it involves just getting to go to the Dr on my own which isn’t exactly what time to yourself is meant to be. I have however bought a groupon for a haircut with highlights which will mean a good 2 hours on my own, to myself, hopefully with a trashy magazine that I will look at and not absorb. Not sure what I can offer you but sending you a hug anyway x

    Reply
    • Thanks for my hug they are always much appreciated :) I’m feeling so much better as time passes and I’m continuing to carve out more me time which I’m finding essential to a better all over me – try it!

      Reply
  16. Ahh so sorry to hear about the friednship breakdown, I hope you can put that behind you and start enjoying yrou ‘me time’. Mich x

    Reply
    • Time passes and the hurt fades as in most things in life, I am resolving to find more me time, so much so that OH got home last night and the washing up form breakfast hadn’t been done! Maybe I overdid it a bit yesterday? Hugs Mich x

      Reply

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