You’re expecting twins!

My tears had halted momentarily, had I heard right? Was she saying that to me? I looked over at Paul who was still holding my hand as tightly, I could see the excitement, disbelief, incredulity under his skin, his face was twitching ever so slightly and he looked as if he was about to boil over with joy.

*****

As I lay down on the bed and lifted my top exposing my bare tummy to the scanologist (sorry can’t think of the right name for the lady scanner!) I went into panic mode. I was 8 weeks pregnant and the last two times I had reached this stage I had then discovered they were blighted ovums, where the baby had never formed in the sac or had been reabsorbed early on and therefore ending in miscarriage. I was shaking, in my heart I knew this was our last attempt. There was no way I could keep on putting myself through the agony of  joy-hope-failure. The scanning room for me held bad memories and I wasn’t feeling comfortable. In a desperate attempt to reassure myself, I surrepstitiously squeezed my boobs ‘Ouch!’ Good they were still painful and that meant pregnancy hormones were still in my body. I told the woman my history, a devastating loss at 5 months when we lost our little girl followed by two blighted ovums.

‘Thank you for telling me that.’ I’m sure I detected an Australian accent and then the room fell silent as she started to move the contraption over the gel on my tummy, the air heavy around me with suspense. Paul’s breathing was faster and our hands were held in a tight grip. I couldn’t bare him to go through the disappointment again and I was alreadystarting to feel a failure, my heart bomb diving into a black abyss. May Day! May Day!

I watched the lady looking intent at the screen moving the scan back and forth across my midriff. My bad voice piped up matter of factly ‘Nothing there again.’ and the tears started. Very slowly, very silently and I gripped Paul’s hand even harder trying desperately to make everything ok and hold on to positivity.

‘I’m so sorry to keep you waiting,’ she said. ‘I was just checking there aren’t three in there!’

‘Three?’ (I know! I’m so slow to get stuff – it had never dawned on me that I could possibly be a mother of twins even if Paul is a twin, I’d only ever asked for one!)

‘Yes!’ she exclaimed gleefully, relieved herself that her news was so good for us.’You’re expecting twins.’

‘How are their heartbeats?’ I immediately went into concerned mode wanting to cross all the T’s and dot the i’s.

‘Wonderfully strong heartbeats.’ Everything looks to be absolutely perfect.’

‘Can’t be!’ – that was the bad voice picking up again trying to ruin the moment but I was so shocked and utterly stunned I took no notice of it for once focusing on the good TWO WONDERFULLY STRONG HEARTBEATS. More tears fell but this time they were warm and tears of joy, the lady handed me some paper to wipe away the gel put I couldn’t care less about the gel I was pregnant and what’s more I was expecting twins, Paul took the paper and cleaned my tummy for me as we waited for the print out and our photos.

She gave us more photos than she should have done for our £4.00, I imagine she was very relieved to have been able to pass on our wonderful news and felt generous, after all who would find out her crime? I certainly wouldn’t have told a soul and these images I treasured for the following 8 months whilst I waited in angst until my beautiful little girls entered the world safe and sound.

This is my Flashback Friday for this week inspired very much by Karin at Cafe Bebe who is expecting and asked when I first found out I was expecting twins. Many women in pregnancy often get a thought ‘Maybe it’s twins?’ during the first months until the first scan can verify who and how many are inside. That thought comes from no where. Thrown at you casually from the universe to leave you wondering for weeks. I did get one of those thoughts but I was so anxious and so focused on just having ONE healthy baby I ignored it and let it go so it was a massive surprise that day to be told. In fact that day we both walked around stunned. Even the following few nights I would wake in the early hours and just ask Two? and reply Two! and fall back to sleep again in disbelief.

I kept a dairy throughout that pregnancy it was an online diary which also talks of many other things happening in my life during that period (teenage daughter living at home anyone?) I’m currently going through it and making it readable and focusing on the twin pregnancy and then I will post it for any other pregnant mum who may want to read it.

Now head over and see all the other Flashbacks over at Cafe Bebe

21 Comments

  1. Karin @ Cafe Bebe
    May 13, 2011 / 7:49 AM

    Mari…that is an absolutely amazing flashback Friday! You had me hooked! Two more weeks until mine…two weeks today to be specific! Fingers crossed for however many are in there! ;)

    Thanks so much for sharing…I eagerly await your pregnancy diary! Have a great weekend.

    :) Karin

  2. May 13, 2011 / 8:32 AM

    What a fantastic story, i can’t even begin to imagine how the pair of you felt on that table oh and its a sonographer lol

    • May 16, 2011 / 8:41 PM

      Sonographer – of course! Thasnk for the reminder :)

  3. Frankie Parker
    May 13, 2011 / 11:11 AM

    So glad it all worked out for you both in the end..

  4. Funky Wellies
    May 13, 2011 / 12:26 PM

    What a fantastic, moving post! I have tears in my eyes and am so happy for you that you and your husband were blessed with these beautiful little girls.

  5. Alessandra
    May 13, 2011 / 2:02 PM

    Lovely post, Marianne!
    Have a great weekend. xx

  6. May 13, 2011 / 4:00 PM

    What a great post – Can only imagine how hard it must have been – and your girls are gorgeous – what a gift xxxx

    • May 16, 2011 / 8:47 PM

      Thank you! I tried commenting on your blog but I keep getting error, I’ll try and catch you via Twitter to let you know

  7. May 13, 2011 / 6:07 PM

    What great pictures i wish they had been available when i had my 2

    • May 16, 2011 / 8:52 PM

      We’ll be watching our klids have so much more when it’s their turn I imagine, that’s the beauty of technology

  8. May 14, 2011 / 3:15 AM

    This one had me in tears, but happy tears (preggy hormones may account for it a little). So pleased that it is a happy ever after story! Thanks for sharing.

  9. May 14, 2011 / 5:32 AM

    Your earlier pain will make this event all the sweeter. You now know the deep appreciation of Motherhood…good for you.

  10. SAHMlovingit
    May 14, 2011 / 8:33 AM

    Such a gorgeously moving post Mari. I’m all teary after reading that…so fabulous that you were given the gift of twins – and such beautiful girls too xx

  11. May 14, 2011 / 9:25 AM

    what an amazing story. I can’t believe the emotions you must have had that day!

    I had kind of the reverse experience with my first scan when I was pregnant with the geekdaughter – because we’d gone through IVF and had two embryos implanted I felt disappointment when we only saw one heartbeat at my scan, and was too busy wondering what had happened to the other one to really get excited about being pregnant for the first time.

    Then she was born, and we spent a LOT of time looking at each other and saying “Thank goodness it wasn’t twins!!”.

    Great flashback :)

  12. May 14, 2011 / 11:41 AM

    Dear Marianne,

    What a lovely post. It nearly made me cry, what triumph from adversity

    xxx

  13. May 15, 2011 / 7:12 AM

    Well it’s a very good job I haven’t yet done my eye makeup this morning young lady! A beautiful post! Emma :)

  14. May 15, 2011 / 7:46 AM

    Hi Mari, I couldn’t find your post for Blog Gems, but this is lovely :) Thanks for linking up x

  15. Carole
    May 15, 2011 / 9:56 AM

    Oh I so enjoyed reading that and the happy outcome…simply wonderful! :)) x

  16. Jenny Paulin
    May 15, 2011 / 1:20 PM

    Mari that’s such a lovely heartfelt post. Makes me feel all warm inside. How precious life is :) and younwere given two such examples xx

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